Friday, September 14, 2012

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Intimate Partner Violence Awareness and Prevention

Emotional Intelligence

Why do Manic Depressive patients have frequent migraines?

Emotional Intelligence

Counting your Blessings

Is Social Media an Addiction?

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

People suffer horrible trauma at the hands of violence. Although experiences are tragic and heartbreaking, victims of violence can develop resiliency in response to their abuse.

What is Resiliency? Even children who come out of severe situations are able to perservere and become contributing members to society. They learn what they are not going to do when they have their own marriages and kids.

Resiliency research shows that children, teenagers and others who live in crime torn neighborhoods and are surrounded by poverty, can become very resilient in their adulthood. Intervention is the key to the person finding hoping in their lives. Positive teachers, peers, church leaders, and therapists can assist an individual's journey back onto a positive trajectory.
Children of war torn countries suffer deplorable violence.
As the children grow they may channel the violence as motivation to seek human rights and therapy for other families and children in similar situations.

The Story Of John Bul Dau- Sudanese Lost Boys

I am so thankful for the abundant blessing I have.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Addicted to you

Here are signs of people that are obsessed with you and may have an addiction to try to control your feelings, and their circumstances. I actually really like this song.

Monday, July 2, 2012

What is abuse? How do I recognize it?

It Is Still Abuse If . . .

The incidents of physical abuse seem minor when compared to those you have read about, seen on television or heard other women talk about. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” form of physical abuse; you can be severely injured as a result of being pushed, for example.
The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times in the relationship.Studies indicate that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely he/she will continue to physically assault you.
The physical assaults stopped when you became passive and gave up your right to express yourself as you desire, to move about freely and see others, and to make decisions. It is not a victory if you have to give up your rights as a person and a partner in exchange for not being assaulted!
There has not been any physical violence. Many women and men are emotionally and verbally assaulted. This can be as equally frightening and is often more confusing to try to understand.

Source: Breaking the Silence: a Handbook for Victims of Violence in Nebraska

Economic or financial abuse: A subtle form of emotional abuse

Remember, an abuser’s goal is to control you, and he or she will frequently use money to do so.Economic or financial abuse includes:

Rigidly controlling your finances.
Withholding money or credit cards.
Making you account for every penny you spend.
Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).

Restricting you to an allowance.
Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.
Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly).
Stealing from you or taking your money.

**Abusers are able to control their behavior—they do it all the time.**

Abusers pick and choose whom to abuse. They don’t insult, threaten, or assault everyone in their life who gives them grief. Usually, they save their abuse for the people closest to them, the ones they claim to love.
Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse. They control themselves until no one else is around to see their abusive behavior. They may act like everything is fine in public, but lash out instantly as soon as you’re alone.
Abusers are able to stop their abusive behavior when it benefits them. Most abusers are not out of control. In fact, they’re able to immediately stop their abusive behavior when it’s to their advantage to do so (for example, when the police show up or their boss calls).
Violent abusers usually direct their blows where they won’t show. Rather than acting out in a mindless rage, many physically violent abusers carefully aim their kicks and punches where the bruises and marks won’t show.

The cycle of violence in domestic abuse

Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:

Abuse – Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show you "who is boss."
Guilt – After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what he's done. He’s more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for his abusive behavior.
Excuses – Your abuser rationalizes what he or she has done. The person may come up with a string of excuses or blame you for the abusive behavior—anything to avoid taking responsibility.
"Normal" behavior — The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
Fantasy and planning – Your abuser begins to fantasize about abusing you again. He spends a lot of time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how he'll make you pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.
Set-up – Your abuser sets you up and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing you.

Your abuser’s apologies and loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse can make it difficult to leave. He may make you believe that you are the only person who can help him, that things will be different this time, and that he truly loves you. However, the dangers of staying are very real.

General warning signs of domestic abuse

People who are being abused may:

Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner.
Go along with everything their partner says and does.
Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing.
Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner.
Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness.

Warning signs of physical violence

People who are being physically abused may:

Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents.”
Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation.
Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors).

Warning signs of isolation

People who are being isolated by their abuser may:

Be restricted from seeing family and friends.
Rarely go out in public without their partner.
Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car.

The psychological warning signs of abuse

People who are being abused may:

Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident.
Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn).
Be depressed, anxious, or suicidal.

Speak up if you suspect domestic violence or abuse

If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up! If you’re hesitating—telling yourself that it’s none of your business, you might be wrong, or the person might not want to talk about it—keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save his or her life.

Do's and Don'ts

Do:

Ask if something is wrong.
Express concern.
Listen and validate.
Offer help.
Support his or her decisions.

Don’t:

Wait for him or her to come to you.
Judge or blame.
Pressure him or her.
Give advice.
Place conditions on your support.

Adapted from: NYS Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence

Talk to the person in private and let him or her know that you’re concerned. Point out the things you’ve noticed that make you worried. Tell the person that you’re there, whenever he or she feels ready to talk. Reassure the person that you’ll keep whatever is said between the two of you, and let him or her know that you’ll help in any way you can.

Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. People who have been emotionally abused or battered are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet they’ve often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.(http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm)

Are you in (or were you in) an abusive relationship?

Getting out of an abusive relationship

If you’re trying to decide whether to stay or leave, you may be feeling confused, uncertain, frightened, and torn. One moment, you may desperately want to get away, and the next, you may want to hang on to the relationship.

Maybe you even blame yourself for the abuse or feel weak and embarrassed because you’ve stuck around in spite of it. Don’t be trapped by confusion, guilt, or self-blame. The only thing that matters is your safety.

Why doesn’t she just leave? It’s the question many people ask when they learn that a woman is being battered and abused. But if you are in an abusive relationship, you know that it’s not that simple. Ending an important relationship is never easy. It’s even harder when you’ve been isolated from your family and friends, psychologically beaten down, financially controlled, and physically threatened.

If you are being abused, remember:

You are not to blame for being battered or mistreated.
You are not the cause of your partner’s abusive behavior.
You deserve to be treated with respect.

You deserve a safe and happy life.
Your children deserve a safe and happy life.
You are not alone. There are people waiting to help.

Help for abused and battered women: Making the decision to leave

As you face the decision to either end the abusive relationship or try to save it, keep the following things in mind:

If you’re hoping your abusive partner will change... The abuse will probably happen again. Abusers have deep emotional and psychological problems. While change is not impossible, it isn’t quick or easy. And change can only happen once your abuser takes full responsibility for his behavior, seeks professional treatment, and stops blaming you, his unhappy childhood, stress, work, his drinking, or his temper.
If you believe you can help your abuser... It’s only natural that you want to help your partner. You may think you’re the only one who understands him or that it’s your responsibility to fix his problems. But the truth is that by staying and accepting repeated abuse, you’re reinforcing and enabling the abusive behavior. Instead of helping your abuser, you’re perpetuating the problem.
If your partner has promised to stop the abuse... When facing consequences, abusers often plead for another chance, beg for forgiveness, and promise to change. They may even mean what they say in the moment, but their true goal is to stay in control and keep you from leaving. But most of the time, they quickly return to their abusive behavior once they’ve been forgiven and they’re no longer worried that you’ll leave.
If your partner is in counseling or a program for batterers... Even if your partner is in counseling, there is no guarantee that he’ll change. Many abusers who go through counseling continue to be violent, abusive, and controlling. If your partner has stopped minimizing the problem or making excuses, that’s a good sign. But you still need to make your decision based on who he is now, not the man you hope he will become.
If you’re worried about what will happen if you leave... You may be afraid of what your abusive partner will do, where you’ll go, or how you’ll support yourself or your children. But don’t let fear of the unknown keep you in a dangerous, unhealthy situation.

Signs that your abuser is NOT changing:

He minimizes the abuse or denies how serious it really was.
He continues to blame others for his behavior.
He claims that you’re the one who is abusive.
He pressures you to go to couple’s counseling.
He tells you that you owe him another chance.
You have to push him to stay in treatment.

He says that he can’t change unless you stay with him and support him.
He tries to get sympathy from you, your children, or your family and friends.
He expects something from you in exchange for getting help.
He pressures you to make decisions about the relationship.

References

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm h

ttp://www.examiner.com/article/were-you-an-abusive-relationship

http://suite101.com/article/recognizing-emotional-abuse-a43509

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

The above articles may help you in your journey towards freedom from abuse.

Please be careful in surfing the web.

Delete all of your browsers History and Cookies.

Do not save passwords and change your passwords frequently.

This way your personal and clinical information stays safer.

Sometimes, Using a trusted friend or family member's computer may be a better decision.

Especially if you share a computer with the abuser.

Chelsea

Monday, June 25, 2012

Forgive Yourself

And be free of your pain.
As some say: "Let go and Let God."

This post has some religious content.
I've found that many of the tactics are attitudes are helpful in anyone's journey to Forgiveness and Healing.
Even if the person who hurt you never changes.
Forgiveness is not making excuses for the person who hurt you.
It is not excusing the behavior or the offense.
Forgiveness is giving your pain to a Higher Power or surrendering your feelings, and allowing something bigger than yourself to handle it. Whatever you believe your "Higher Power" to be, or however you understand it; remember you are not in the Journey to Forgiveness alone.
There are many others who deal with this pain every day, and would like to help you heal too.
We are here to help each other.

D.V. Shelter Info. http://domesticviolencestatistics.org/domestic-violence-shelters/
D.V. and Depression/Alcoholism : http://domesticviolencestatistics.org/domestic-violence-and-depression/
D.V. Statistics : http://domesticviolencestatistics.org/domestic-violence-statistics/
CDC Violence Intervention: http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/intimatepartnerviolence/index.html
BJS: http://bjs.ojp.usdoj.gov/index.cfm?ty=tp&tid=971
NCVC: http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=38711

Finding Peace through Forgiveness

Content Copied and pasted from:

(http://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness?lang=eng)

I wrestled with rage after someone had deeply hurt me. How could I find peace?

Sick with anger, confusion, and grief, I decided to search LDS.org for articles about forgiveness. I wanted to know what Church leaders had said about how to find peace after experiencing an egregious offense. As the search engine processed my request, I mentally relived the painful episode. My stomach churned and my pulse quickened. “How is it humanly possible to be at peace?” I asked myself.

Dozens of general conference talks seemed to address the issue. I clicked on a promising piece from President James E. Faust (1920–2007) and quickly skimmed its contents.¹ An Amish community forgave the distraught milkman who shot and killed several of its schoolgirls. A man forgave the drunk driver who caused the deaths of his wife and children. What could I learn from these scenarios?

As I considered this question, I became agitated. These stories did not mirror mine. In both cases, the offender had either died or faced immediate prosecution, so the victims did not have to fear ongoing or future offenses. In my case, the perpetrator was still part of my life and wasn’t facing death or a public justice system. This person had not committed a crime, but had nearly destroyed two significant relationships. How could I forgive someone who had not yet repented or suffered any punishment? How could I forgive when the offense might even recur?

I reread Elder Faust’s article and noticed I’d missed a few vital points:

•
“Forgiveness is not always instantaneous.”²
•
“Most of us need time to work through pain and loss.”³
•
“Forgiveness comes more readily when … we have faith in God and trust in His word.”⁴
•
“If we will get on our knees and ask Heavenly Father for a feeling of forgiveness, He will help us.”⁵

Each of these truths inched me closer to the hope that eventual peace might be attainable.

That evening I pondered something about forgiveness that I had understood in principle but never fully appreciated: Forgiveness was not primarily about restoring my relationship with the person who had offended me. Instead, its focus was restoring and improving my relationship with God. It was about trusting—really trusting—that He would take care of me and that He hadn’t allowed anything to happen to me that wouldn’t eventually work out for my benefit. Forgiveness centered on drawing close to Heavenly Father, understanding the Atonement ofJesus Christ, and laying everything on the altar—and doing this cheerfully, with confidence that I was safe in Heavenly Father’s care.

Being safe, I learned, didn’t mean living an idyllic, stress-free life. It meant that even while coping with harrowing challenges, I had a lifeline to my Father. As I navigated life’s perils, I could be as safe as Daniel in the lions’ den (see Daniel 6), David facing Goliath (see 1 Samuel 17), Esther approaching the king (see Esther 2–7), Alma and Amulek in prison (seeAlma 14), or Nephi when he returned to Jerusalem for the brass plates (see1 Nephi 3–4). Like Abinadi, I could experience peace and loving direction even in the midst of profound distress (see Mosiah 12–17). If I stayed connected to heaven as circumstances and conversations unfolded, then I could, in the way He wanted me to, interact with—or avoid—the person who had caused me pain. I took strength in envisioning how the Savior would live if He stepped into my shoes. Turning my focus to Him was the key to freedom, the key to forgiveness.

However, staying focused wasn’t easy. Often tempted to mentally replay the offense and re-stir the painful emotions it wrought, I constantly battled negativity. Again, I was helped by what President Faust taught: “The Savior has offered to all of us a precious peace through His Atonement, but this can come only as we are willing to cast out negative feelings of anger, spite, or revenge.”⁶ Knowing it was important to redirect my thoughts, I groped for ways to focus my energy on light, hope, and joy. For me, it was helpful to memorize scriptures whenever I was troubled by hurt and anger. After a few weeks of implementing this practice, I’d memorized several chapters from Isaiah, and my recollection of the troubling offense seemed to hold less prominence in my thoughts.

Time passed. In response to much fasting and prayer, Heavenly Father helped me heal. But healing was a gradual process, not an overnight miracle. Some days I felt peaceful and forgiving. Other times I wrestled with rage or despondency. As I drew near to Heavenly Father, however, He helped me think more as He did and see others more as He saw them—through eyes of mercy. As time passed, I experienced promptings that helped me understand, empathize with, and finally love the person who had hurt me. While it would be premature to say I’m now completely at peace with the past, I do feel more connected to God than I have ever felt before. That’s an invaluable blessing.

President Faust closed his conference talk with this testimony: “With all my heart and soul, I believe in the healing power that can come to us as we follow the counsel of the Savior ‘to forgive all men’ (D&C 64:10).”⁷ I share this testimony. Healing does come. In fact, it’s my experience that the Savior doesn’t heal souls by simply restoring us to our former state of wellness. When He heals, He graciously overdoes it. He makes us healthier than we ever were before the onset of the affliction. His objective is our happiness and peace.

Forgiveness Heals Your Wounds

“Forgiveness … can be hard to understand, even more difficult to give.Begin by withholding judgment. … Leave the handling of aggressors to others. As you experience an easing of your own pain, full forgiveness will come more easily.

“You cannot erase what has been done, but you can forgive. (See D&C 64:10.) Forgiveness heals terrible, tragic wounds, for it allows the love of God to purge your heart and mind of the poison of hate. It cleanses your consciousness of the desire for revenge. It makes place for the purifying, healing, restoring love of the Lord.

“The Master counseled, ‘Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you’ (3 Nephi 12:44; italics added).

“Bitterness and hatred are harmful. They produce much that is destructive. They postpone the relief and healing you yearn for. Through rationalization and self-pity, they can transform a victim into an abuser. Let God be the judge—you cannot do it as well as he can.”

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “Healing the Tragic Scars of Abuse,” Ensign, May 1992, 32–33.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

A Survey for Victim's of Violence

Please look into the Websites and Links I posted at the end of this page as well.

They will help you on your journey to Freedom.

Whether you are a man or a woman suffering abuse these are signs of Abuse.

The Battered Women's Task Force of the NY State Coalition Against Domestic Violence asks women to answer "yes" or "no" to the following signs of domestic violence. BE HONEST!!

Does your partner:

hit, punch, slap, shove, or bite you?
threaten to hurt you or your children?
threaten to hurt friends or family members?
have sudden outbursts of anger or rage?
behave in an overprotective manner?
become jealous without reason?
prevent you from seeing family or friends?
prevent you from going where you want, when you want?
prevent you from working or attending school?
destroy personal property or sentimental items?
deny you access to family assets, such as bank accounts,
credit cards, or even the car?
control all finances and force you to account for what you spend?
force you to have sex against your will?
force you to engage in sexual acts you do not enjoy?
insult you or call you derogatory names?
use intimidation or manipulation to control you or your children?
humiliate you in front of your children?
turn minor incidents into major arguments?
abuse or threaten to abuse pets?
The author of No Visible Wounds, Mary Susan Miller, adds one more: withhold conversation, sex, or affection from you?

Now, notice that only one, the first, is physical in nature. Here's the big one: If you answered yes to just one of the above, you are being abused.

I don't care what the reasons the Perpetrator gives you for their actions. If the perp. engages in just ONE of those listed, the person is abusing you. As one victim put it, "It wasn't being hit or thrown against the wall that hurt most. It was having to live like a non-person." (from No Visible Wounds)

The worst of it is this: more often than not, the "threats" of hitting will grow into reality. What once was "just" name-calling becomes public ridicule, and eventually physical abuse.

Do you know someone who needs to read this? Send it to that person, but make sure it's the Victim's E-mail and not the Perpetrators E-mail.