Domestic Violence and Spousal Abuse

This person was in a seriously physically, mentally and emotionally abusive, broken relationship. She takes photos of herself for a year, and you can see her confidence in herself, and her zest for life disappear into sadness and depression and emptiness.

The photos are disturbing, especially near the end. 
http://themindunleashed.org/2014/08/woman-takes-photo-every-day-1-year-long-end-disturbing.html

Please, if this is you-- or a friend, get help. You can Stay in Women's Shelters or Domestic Abuse Shelters, or File Assault Charges against your partner. You can file for a Restraining Order, or for a Protective Order. Protect yourself and your children. Legal Assistance/ Lawyers are available from your state to help you, if you are in the USA. You are not alone! Please seek help!

Spousal or Partner Abuse does not have to be physical to seek help. Physical Abuse most likely occurs with Emotional and Verbal Abuse. Emotional and Verbal Abuse hurts just as bad, and some argue more than physical abuse. 

From the Utah Domestic Violence Coalition

Call 911 now if you are in danger or have an emergency, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Call 1-800-897-LINK (5465) for fully confidential help. The Utah LINKline operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

What Is Domestic Violence?

We define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.

Where to Get Help

The Statewide Domestic Violence Info-line will LINK you to free help, including counseling, shelter, and other services.

Call 1-800-897-LINK (5465). The LINKline operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

(http://udvc.org/utah-domestic-violence-help/find-help Information taken from The Utah Domestic Violence Coalition's Website)

Signs of An Abusive Relationship

Do you:

• Feel afraid of your partner much of the time
• Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner
• Feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner
• Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated
• Wonder if you’re the one who is crazy
• Feel emotionally numb or helpless 
• Feel spirit broken

Does your partner:

• Humiliate, criticize, or yell at you
• Treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for friends or family to see
• Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments
• Blame you for his or her abusive behavior
• See you as property or a sex object rather than a person
• Have a bad and unpredictable temper
• Hurt you or threaten to hurt or kill you
• Threaten to take your children away or harm them
• Threaten to commit suicide if you leave
• Force you to have sex
• Destroy your belongings
• Act excessively jealous and possessive
• Control where you go or what you do
• Prevent you from seeing friends or family
• Limit your access to money, a phone, the car
• Constantly check up on you

(Information from the Utah Domestic Violence Coalition's Website http://udvc.org/utah-domestic-violence-help/find-help)

Studying Past LDS General Conference Talks

As a Member of the LDS Faith, I am reviewing, reading and watching highlights from the April 2014 General Conference, as well as other years. I found one from 2009 from President Monson-  I will share some of them here. The purpose of doing this is to prepare myself spiritually for the upcoming General Conference and it's messages. To help my family and myself live the words of the Apostles and our Dear Prophet. Not just listen to them. I hope that my sharing of these messages and the thoughts I have from them- will help others besides myself.

Full Talk and Video- https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/grateful-in-any-circumstances?lang=eng

Love - The Essence of the Gospel

Full Talk and Video- https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/love-the-essence-of-the-gospel?lang=eng

When President Monson talks about how love and forgiveness need to be the essence of the gospel, I know I need to work harder to forgive others. I need to be forgiven often, I need to always forgive others and extend that forgiveness freely. Instead of being afraid of being hurt. 

Full Talk land Video- https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/spiritual-whirlwinds?lang=eng

This talk had a deep impact on me in April and Now. I know of things I need to repent of- people I should make relationships right with- and people I should forgive. I need to become more like Christ. Showing and extending forgiveness as much as I need it- which is always. I really need to work on this. Regardless of others decisions, I need to work on treating all of God's Children with love and respect. I need to read the Book of Mormon more often and read of the testifying of our Savior and his matchless gifts of love, forgiveness and repentance.

Be Your Best Self Priesthood Session President Monson 2009

Full Talk and Video- https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/04/be-your-best-self?lang=eng

Suicide Awareness and Prevention

This post is about warning signs and ways we as family, friends and loved ones of those with mental or behavioral challenges- can assist them in their struggles.

I encourage you whether you are a member of my faith or not, to listen and watch this Speech given by Elder Holland- regarding how to treat others in this sad predicament and situation.

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng#watch=video




Warning Signs of Suicide Behavior

May draw or write about death
Or talk about ways they have thought about harming themselves
Cutting arms or legs
Withdrawing from friends & families
Marked personality or Severe Mood Changes
Loss of interest in talents and activities they used to love
Insomnia
Or wanting to sleep all the time
May give away prized possessions
Lose hope
Losing interest in school
Indifferent towards most activities
Children may become severely impulsive
And Instant Gratification

Have children set goals for wants and needs
Point out our children's strengths
Do not hound about what they are doing wrong- or may need to improve.
Point out that there are solutions to their problems
Let your child think of their own solutions to severe or little problems.

Find out why our children are unhappy
Question our children " Are you feeling that you may want to hurt yourself?"
Ask hard questions
Ask open-ended questions
Listen to your child's teachers


If your children are having those thoughts, it is not a reflection of poor parenting.
If they have depression- it's not your fault.
Don't try to fix their depression by yourself, seek professional help.
"No one can responsibly suggest that just square your shoulders and think more positively." Elder Holland 
It's not that easy. It's a big deal.

If you are concerned about your child's safety- never leave them alone.
Get rid of guns or knives, pills and ways they may harm themselves.
Be there for them. Listen to your loved ones. 

Focus attention on your children.

Listen and empathize with your children. 
Especially when they tell you why they hurt, are sad. Or feel a certain way.
Show an increase in love.

"Trust in God and his love. Be merciful, non-judge mental and kind- towards those suffering with mental illness." -Elder Holland

A Leader Who Understands the Pain of Depression and Hopelessness

What is Depression?

http://www.apa.org/topics/depress/

As a person who has suffered and continues to suffer from Depression and Anxiety in my life, to dire points of deep despair and hopelessness- in my young life and my younger adult life; I am thankful for Elder Jeffrey R. Holland and his words to those with any mental or emotional struggles and hardships in their lives.



 Whether you are a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or not, I believe and hope his words and love for you and all of God's Children resonate with you.

You are unique and important, there is always hope- do not give up!

Please read or listen to his talk and see the compassion and love this good brother has for you.
Know you have friends and family who love you regardless of your circumstances in your life.


http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865587762/Elder-Jeffrey-R-Holland-Like-a-Broken-Vessel.html

I missed Sister Stephen's Talk so I will read it and post it here.
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865587744/Sister-Carole-M-Stephens-Do-we-know-what-we-have.html

If you are interested in listening to the messages of our leaders here are some resources for you;

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/watch?lang=eng

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765638753/183rd-Semiannual-General-Conference-talk-summaries.html

Warning Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

If you are involved in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, or have a family relationship with someone who is narcissistic- chances are you probably are aware of it.
Although, many grandiose and charming people are narcissistic, most of them have a front, or "mask" they initially create at the beginning of a relationship to swoon you into being intimate and committed to them.

Very often this kind of person has an inflated ego, and they are the most important person in the world. It seems they love hearing themselves speak. Very little do they let others speak, unless they feel they are special, or superior to others- like they feel about themselves. They can be extremely controlling and rude. Narcissists are not known to be tactful people. Do not underestimate their craftiness though.
They are often silver-tongued romanticists, with rose-colored glasses and tunnel vision. The world works the way they see it, and not in any other way.
They often move relationships along very quickly, and may give many gifts and pamper you with attention and recognition at first.
In business, the narcissist is a stickler with negotiations.
They do not negotiate, they wait until you get pushed into what they wanted in the first place.

 What is a narcissist? What kind of traits and warning signs should you look for in a partner?

"How to Spot A Narcissist"

From Abundance Tapestry; 

(http://www.abundancetapestry.com/how-to-spot-10-warning-signs-of-narcissism-in-your-partner/)

"You really want to be lookout on the following narcissistic traits: vain, egoistical and selfish.

Here are 10 warning signs on what the above description translates to:

1. His needs come first. You have to plan your life around his.

2. He takes more than he gives. You now realize that his show of attention on you at one stage was pretense. The honeymoon period did not last very long.

3. He talks about himself all the time. You can barely get a word in about your needs, concerns and ideas.

4. He can be manipulative, abusive and controlling. Your voice is reduced to a whimper around him.

5. He belittles you constantly. Your sense of self-worth has been shredded to pieces repeatedly.

6. He has lack of empathy for others. He is insensitive towards the feelings of his loved ones, including yours.

7. He strives to ensure that his stories of accomplishment are forever etched in your mind. You have heard the same overblown stories that happened years ago, multiple times.

8. He is always in the right. It is as if he can do no or little wrong. Even when he has a part to play, he will make it seem as if you are to blame. He is a world-class wordsmith.

9. He has trouble committing to a relationship. You have to give in to his demands for space; but you have to be on his beck and call.

10. His negative reactions are often excessive in relation to the issue. You are taken aback by his rage and punishing ways towards you."

Mayo Clinic Warning Signs 

(http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652/DSECTION=symptoms)

"Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

• Believing that you're better than others
• Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
• Exaggerating your achievements or talents
• Expecting constant praise and admiration
• Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
• Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
• Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
• Taking advantage of others
• Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
• Being jealous of others
• Believing that others are jealous of you
• Trouble keeping healthy relationships
• Setting unrealistic goals
• Being easily hurt and rejected
• Having a fragile self-esteem
• Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional"

For more detail on Narcissistic Tendencies and Warning Signs Read the articles below;

Are you a Narcissist?

(http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201210/are-you-narcissist-6-sure-signs-narcissism)

Healthy Confidence or Destructive Narcissism

(http://leaderchat.org/2011/10/24/healthy-confidence-or-destructive-narcissism-10-warning-signs/)

Narcissism as a Mental Disorder

(http://eternian.wordpress.com/conscience-disorders/)

Corporal Punishment or Legalized Child Abuse?

Back in the day, when kids were caught cheating in my grade school, or Junior High/High School- you automatically got a zero on the assignment.
In College and University Schools you get a 0 in the class and often get kicked out
of the Deparment, College and University altogether. I agree with that policy.
Some schools have suspension policies, which I think would have been better for this child's alleged cheating, than a spanking by a Vice Principal Male.

Here is a new reason for your children not to cheat.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/mom-angry-male-vice-principal-spanked-her-daughter-234456335--abc-news-topstories.html

What do you think? Is this state mandated child abuse?
Should it be allowed?
In my opinion, I think it should not be allowed at all.

If you think it should be allowed, should the law of same gender punishment be enforced?
How do you feel about this?

Why are teachers hitting our children and students?
Trying to scare them into being honest in school?
I don't think it works.


Chelsea

Important Domestic Violence Resources

If you live in Salt Lake County, Utah (or anywhere) and are being abused;
Mentally, Emotionally, Financially or Physically you can take these important steps to protect yourself and your children.

Call the Police or Victim's Services to protect yourself and your family.
If you cannot safely call them, leave.
Get away from your abuser, and make sure your children are safely with you.

Here's how to secure a Protective Order against your abuser;
http://www.utcourts.gov/resources/forms/protectorder/

You can call this D.V. Hotline for support and help;
http://udvc.org/udvc/utah-domestic-violence-linkline

Make plans to stay safe; http://www.utcourts.gov/resources/forms/protectorder/staysafe.html

Numbers for Emergencies and Assistance;

http://www.uw.org/211/find-help/resources-by-county/salt-lake-general-resource-list.pdf

Single Parent Resource List;

http://www.uw.org/211/find-help/resources-by-need/single-parent-resource-list.pdf

Health Insurance Assistance;
http://www.uw.org/211/find-help/resources-by-need/health-insurance-resource-list.pdf

Domestic Violence Shelters and Shelters for transient persons;

http://www.uw.org/211/find-help/resources-by-need/homeless-resource-list.pdf


Good luck and stay safe!

Chelsea