tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61295969324747414622024-02-20T12:07:58.043-08:00Breaking Free from Relationship AbuseChelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129596932474741462.post-64396795264477014352014-11-12T09:11:00.001-08:002014-11-12T09:45:12.166-08:00Domestic Violence and Spousal Abuse<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
This person was in a seriously physically, mentally and emotionally abusive, broken relationship. She takes photos of herself for a year, and you can see her confidence in herself, and her zest for life disappear into sadness and depression and emptiness.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px;">The photos are disturbing, especially near the end. </span></span><br />
<a href="http://themindunleashed.org/2014/08/woman-takes-photo-every-day-1-year-long-end-disturbing.html">http://themindunleashed.org/2014/08/woman-takes-photo-every-day-1-year-long-end-disturbing.html</a></div>
<div class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline;">
<div style="color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
Please, if this is you-- or a friend, get help. You can Stay in Women's Shelters or Domestic Abuse Shelters, or File Assault Charges against your partner. You can file for a Restraining Order, or for a Protective Order. Protect yourself and your children. Legal Assistance/ Lawyers are available from your state to help you, if you are in the USA. You are not alone! Please seek help!</div>
<div style="color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
Spousal or Partner Abuse does not have to be physical to seek help. Physical Abuse most likely occurs with Emotional and Verbal Abuse. Emotional and Verbal Abuse hurts just as bad, and some argue more than physical abuse. </div>
<div style="color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
From the Utah Domestic Violence Coalition</div>
<div class="box-warning" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #fff0eb; background-image: url(http://udvc.org/templates/yoo_nano/images/tools/box_warning.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-size: initial; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: rgb(255, 215, 205); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #444444; font-family: DroidSansRegular; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin: 15px 0px; padding: 10px 10px 10px 40px; text-align: justify; width: 370px;">
Call 911 now if you are in danger or have an emergency, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.</div>
<div class="box-warning" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #fff0eb; background-image: url(http://udvc.org/templates/yoo_nano/images/tools/box_warning.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-size: initial; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: rgb(255, 215, 205); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #444444; font-family: DroidSansRegular; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin: 15px 0px; padding: 10px 10px 10px 40px; text-align: justify; width: 370px;">
Call 1-800-897-LINK (5465) for fully confidential help. The Utah LINKline operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.</div>
<div class="box-warning" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #fff0eb; background-image: url(http://udvc.org/templates/yoo_nano/images/tools/box_warning.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-size: initial; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: rgb(255, 215, 205); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #444444; font-family: DroidSansRegular; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin: 15px 0px; padding: 10px 10px 10px 40px; text-align: justify; width: 370px;">
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at:<br />
1-800-799-SAFE (7233).</div>
<div style="color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
<br /></div>
<h2 style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Yanone Kaffeesatz'; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin: 25px 0px 15px;">
What Is Domestic Violence?</h2>
<div style="color: #444444; font-family: DroidSansRegular; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-top: 15px;">
We define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.</div>
<h2 style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Yanone Kaffeesatz'; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin: 25px 0px 15px;">
Where to Get Help</h2>
<div style="color: #444444; font-family: DroidSansRegular; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-top: 15px;">
The Statewide Domestic Violence Info-line will LINK you to free help, including counseling, shelter, and other services.</div>
<div class="box-info" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #ebf5fa; background-image: url(http://udvc.org/templates/yoo_nano/images/tools/box_info.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-size: initial; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: rgb(210, 220, 225); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #444444; font-family: DroidSansRegular; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-top: 15px; padding: 10px 10px 10px 40px; text-align: justify;">
Call 1-800-897-LINK (5465). The LINKline operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.</div>
<div style="color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px;">
(<a href="http://udvc.org/utah-domestic-violence-help/find-help">http://udvc.org/utah-domestic-violence-help/find-help</a> Information taken from The Utah Domestic Violence Coalition's Website)</div>
<div style="color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px;">
<br /></div>
<div>
<h2 style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Yanone Kaffeesatz'; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin: 25px 0px 15px;">
Signs of An Abusive Relationship</h2>
<div style="color: #444444; font-family: DroidSansRegular; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-top: 15px;">
<strong>Do you:</strong></div>
<ul style="color: #444444; font-family: DroidSansRegular; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin: 15px 0px; padding-left: 30px;">
<li>Feel afraid of your partner much of the time</li>
<li>Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner</li>
<li>Feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner</li>
<li>Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated</li>
<li>Wonder if you’re the one who is crazy</li>
<li>Feel emotionally numb or helpless </li>
<li>Feel spirit broken</li>
</ul>
<div style="color: #444444; font-family: DroidSansRegular; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-top: 15px;">
<strong>Does your partner:</strong></div>
<ul style="color: #444444; font-family: DroidSansRegular; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin: 15px 0px; padding-left: 30px;">
<li>Humiliate, criticize, or yell at you</li>
<li>Treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for friends or family to see</li>
<li>Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments</li>
<li>Blame you for his or her abusive behavior</li>
<li>See you as property or a sex object rather than a person</li>
<li>Have a bad and unpredictable temper</li>
<li>Hurt you or threaten to hurt or kill you</li>
<li>Threaten to take your children away or harm them</li>
<li>Threaten to commit suicide if you leave</li>
<li>Force you to have sex</li>
<li>Destroy your belongings</li>
<li>Act excessively jealous and possessive</li>
<li>Control where you go or what you do</li>
<li>Prevent you from seeing friends or family</li>
<li>Limit your access to money, a phone, the car</li>
<li>Constantly check up on you</li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: DroidSansRegular; font-size: 14px;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">(Information from the Utah Domestic Violence Coalition's Website </span></span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: DroidSansRegular;"><span style="font-size: 14.6666669845581px; line-height: 20px;"><a href="http://udvc.org/utah-domestic-violence-help/find-help)">http://udvc.org/utah-domestic-violence-help/find-help)</a></span></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: DroidSansRegular;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: DroidSansRegular;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: DroidSansRegular;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Chelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129596932474741462.post-45609087226107483132014-08-22T09:57:00.000-07:002014-08-22T10:02:33.033-07:00Studying Past LDS General Conference TalksAs a Member of the LDS Faith, I am reviewing, reading and watching highlights from the April 2014 General Conference, as well as other years. I found one from 2009 from President Monson- I will share some of them here. The purpose of doing this is to prepare myself spiritually for the upcoming General Conference and it's messages. To help my family and myself live the words of the Apostles and our Dear Prophet. Not just listen to them. I hope that my sharing of these messages and the thoughts I have from them- will help others besides myself.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/zsF07a6WOas?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Full Talk and Video- <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/grateful-in-any-circumstances?lang=eng">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/grateful-in-any-circumstances?lang=eng</a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/KChi9hluAMM?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Love - The Essence of the Gospel</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Full Talk and Video- <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/love-the-essence-of-the-gospel?lang=eng">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/love-the-essence-of-the-gospel?lang=eng</a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
When President Monson talks about how love and forgiveness need to be the essence of the gospel, I know I need to work harder to forgive others. I need to be forgiven often, I need to always forgive others and extend that forgiveness freely. Instead of being afraid of being hurt. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/j1rNX8MBb8I?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Full Talk land Video- <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/spiritual-whirlwinds?lang=eng">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/spiritual-whirlwinds?lang=eng</a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
This talk had a deep impact on me in April and Now. I know of things I need to repent of- people I should make relationships right with- and people I should forgive. I need to become more like Christ. Showing and extending forgiveness as much as I need it- which is always. I really need to work on this. Regardless of others decisions, I need to work on treating all of God's Children with love and respect. I need to read the Book of Mormon more often and read of the testifying of our Savior and his matchless gifts of love, forgiveness and repentance.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/ADtJ85qzMTc?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Be Your Best Self Priesthood Session President Monson 2009</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Full Talk and Video- <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/04/be-your-best-self?lang=eng">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/04/be-your-best-self?lang=eng</a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />Chelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129596932474741462.post-21910868615540071242013-12-29T11:42:00.001-08:002013-12-29T11:53:28.163-08:00Suicide Awareness and PreventionThis post is about warning signs and ways we as family, friends and loved ones of those with mental or behavioral challenges- can assist them in their struggles.<br />
<br />
I encourage you whether you are a member of my faith or not, to listen and watch this Speech given by Elder Holland- regarding how to treat others in this sad predicament and situation.<br />
<object id="flashObj" width="480" height="270" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=9,0,47,0"><param name="movie" value="http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9?isVid=1&isUI=1" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><param name="flashVars" value="videoId=2722351290001&playerID=1202881497001&playerKey=AQ~~,AAABFr5dynE~,TSPthyn9f7zkbxtdRs4CICkEwMD-g6pb&domain=embed&dynamicStreaming=true" /><param name="base" value="http://admin.brightcove.com" /><param name="seamlesstabbing" value="false" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="swLiveConnect" value="true" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><embed src="http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9?isVid=1&isUI=1" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" flashVars="videoId=2722351290001&playerID=1202881497001&playerKey=AQ~~,AAABFr5dynE~,TSPthyn9f7zkbxtdRs4CICkEwMD-g6pb&domain=embed&dynamicStreaming=true" base="http://admin.brightcove.com" name="flashObj" width="480" height="270" seamlesstabbing="false" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" swLiveConnect="true" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/index.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash"></embed></object>
<br />
<a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng#watch=video">http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng#watch=video</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Warning Signs of Suicide Behavior</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">May draw or write about death</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Or talk about ways they have thought about harming themselves</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Cutting arms or legs</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Withdrawing from friends & families</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Marked personality or Severe Mood Changes</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Loss of interest in talents and activities they used to love</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Insomnia</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Or wanting to sleep all the time</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">May give away prized possessions</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Lose hope</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Losing interest in school</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Indifferent towards most activities</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Children may become severely impulsive</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">And Instant Gratification</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Have children set goals for wants and needs</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Point out our children's strengths</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Do not hound about what they are doing wrong- or may need to improve.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Point out that there are solutions to their problems</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Let your child think of their own solutions to severe or little problems.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Find out why our children are unhappy</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Question our children " Are you feeling that you may want to hurt yourself?"</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Ask hard questions</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Ask open-ended questions</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Listen to your child's teachers</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;" />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">If your children are having those thoughts, it is not a reflection of poor parenting.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">If they have depression- it's not your fault.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Don't try to fix their depression by yourself, seek professional help.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">"No one can responsibly suggest that just square your shoulders and think more positively." Elder Holland </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">It's not that easy. It's a big deal.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">If you are concerned about your child's safety- never leave them alone.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Get rid of guns or knives, pills and ways they may harm themselves.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Be there for them. Listen to your loved ones. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Focus attention on your children.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Listen and empathize with your children. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Especially when they tell you why they hurt, are sad. Or feel a certain way.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Show an increase in love.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: monospace; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">"Trust in God and his love. Be merciful, non-judge mental and kind- towards those suffering with mental illness." -Elder Holland</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Chelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129596932474741462.post-32280013216086776162013-10-05T14:58:00.001-07:002013-12-29T11:52:55.537-08:00A Leader Who Understands the Pain of Depression and HopelessnessWhat is Depression?<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.apa.org/topics/depress/">http://www.apa.org/topics/depress/</a><br />
<br />
As a person who has suffered and continues to suffer from Depression and Anxiety in my life, to dire points of deep despair and hopelessness- in my young life and my younger adult life; I am thankful for Elder Jeffrey R. Holland and his words to those with any mental or emotional struggles and hardships in their lives.<br />
<br />
<object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=9,0,47,0" height="270" id="flashObj" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9?isVid=1&isUI=1" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><param name="flashVars" value="videoId=2722351290001&playerID=1202881497001&playerKey=AQ~~,AAABFr5dynE~,TSPthyn9f7zkbxtdRs4CICkEwMD-g6pb&domain=embed&dynamicStreaming=true" /><param name="base" value="http://admin.brightcove.com" /><param name="seamlesstabbing" value="false" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="swLiveConnect" value="true" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><embed src="http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9?isVid=1&isUI=1" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" flashVars="videoId=2722351290001&playerID=1202881497001&playerKey=AQ~~,AAABFr5dynE~,TSPthyn9f7zkbxtdRs4CICkEwMD-g6pb&domain=embed&dynamicStreaming=true" base="http://admin.brightcove.com" name="flashObj" width="480" height="270" seamlesstabbing="false" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" swLiveConnect="true" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/index.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash"></embed></object><br />
<br />
Whether you are a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or not, I believe and hope his words and love for you and all of God's Children resonate with you.<br />
<br />
You are unique and important, there is always hope- do not give up!<br />
<br />
Please read or listen to his talk and see the compassion and love this good brother has for you.<br />
Know you have friends and family who love you regardless of your circumstances in your life.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865587762/Elder-Jeffrey-R-Holland-Like-a-Broken-Vessel.html">http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865587762/Elder-Jeffrey-R-Holland-Like-a-Broken-Vessel.html</a><br />
<br />
I missed Sister Stephen's Talk so I will read it and post it here.<br />
<a href="http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865587744/Sister-Carole-M-Stephens-Do-we-know-what-we-have.html">http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865587744/Sister-Carole-M-Stephens-Do-we-know-what-we-have.html</a><br />
<br />
If you are interested in listening to the messages of our leaders here are some resources for you;<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/watch?lang=eng">http://www.lds.org/general-conference/watch?lang=eng</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765638753/183rd-Semiannual-General-Conference-talk-summaries.html">http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765638753/183rd-Semiannual-General-Conference-talk-summaries.html</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Chelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129596932474741462.post-84960863342159665472013-06-19T16:34:00.003-07:002013-06-19T16:34:43.610-07:00Warning Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder<br />
If you are involved in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, or have a family relationship with someone who is narcissistic- chances are you probably are aware of it.<br />
Although, many grandiose and charming people are narcissistic, most of them have a front, or "mask" they initially create at the beginning of a relationship to swoon you into being intimate and committed to them.<br />
<br />
Very often this kind of person has an inflated ego, and they are the most important person in the world. It seems they love hearing themselves speak. Very little do they let others speak, unless they feel they are special, or superior to others- like they feel about themselves. They can be extremely controlling and rude. Narcissists are not known to be tactful people. Do not underestimate their craftiness though.<br />
They are often silver-tongued romanticists, with rose-colored glasses and tunnel vision. The world works the way they see it, and not in any other way.<br />
They often move relationships along very quickly, and may give many gifts and pamper you with attention and recognition at first.<br />
In business, the narcissist is a stickler with negotiations.<br />
They do not negotiate, they wait until you get pushed into what they wanted in the first place.<br />
<br />
What is a narcissist? What kind of traits and warning signs should you look for in a partner?<br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
<strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">"How to Spot A Narcissist"</strong></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
<strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"></strong><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">From Abundance Tapestry; </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
(<a href="http://www.abundancetapestry.com/how-to-spot-10-warning-signs-of-narcissism-in-your-partner/" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.abundancetapestry.com/how-to-spot-10-warning-signs-of-narcissism-in-your-partner/</a>)</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
"You really want to be lookout on the following narcissistic traits: vain, egoistical and selfish.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
Here are 10 warning signs on what the above description translates to:</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
1. His needs come first. You have to plan your life around his.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
2. He takes more than he gives. You now realize that his show of attention on you at one stage was pretense. The honeymoon period did not last very long.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
3. He talks about himself all the time. You can barely get a word in about your needs, concerns and ideas.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
4. He can be manipulative, abusive and controlling. Your voice is reduced to a whimper around him.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
5. He belittles you constantly. Your sense of self-worth has been shredded to pieces repeatedly.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
6. He has lack of empathy for others. He is insensitive towards the feelings of his loved ones, including yours.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
7. He strives to ensure that his stories of accomplishment are forever etched in your mind. You have heard the same overblown stories that happened years ago, multiple times.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
8. He is always in the right. It is as if he can do no or little wrong. Even when he has a part to play, he will make it seem as if you are to blame. He is a world-class wordsmith.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
9. He has trouble committing to a relationship. You have to give in to his demands for space; but you have to be on his beck and call.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
10. His negative reactions are often excessive in relation to the issue. You are taken aback by his rage and punishing ways towards you."</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
<b>Mayo Clinic Warning Signs </b></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23.75px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
<b>(</b><a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652/DSECTION=symptoms" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652/DSECTION=symptoms</a>)</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #54585a; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px;">
"Narcissistic <a class="intext" href="http://hotstartsearch.com/searchy/?q=personality%20disorder%20symptoms" style="color: #9b7793; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">personality disorder symptoms</a> may include:</div>
<ul style="background-color: white; color: #54585a; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; list-style: none; margin: 0px 0px 20px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 25px;">
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.mayoclinic.com/img/icon_li_footer.gif); background-position: 0px 7px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 13px;">Believing that you're better than others</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.mayoclinic.com/img/icon_li_footer.gif); background-position: 0px 7px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 13px;">Fantasizing about <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652/DSECTION=symptoms#" id="_GPLITA_3" in_rurl="http://i.trkjmp.com/click?v=VVM6MzY3MTU6MzcxOnBvd2VyOjk4NDUwYWIyNGUyNmQ1NmYyZjhkY2Q5NDdkNzkxNjVlOnotMTA1OC0xMDY3MTp3d3cubWF5b2NsaW5pYy5jb206NTQ0MzA6MzFlNDFkZDdkMjBkMmZlNmJkYmI2MzU4Mzg2MWNjYWU" style="color: #9b7793; cursor: pointer;" title="Click to Continue > by Text-Enhance">power</a>, success and attractiveness</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.mayoclinic.com/img/icon_li_footer.gif); background-position: 0px 7px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 13px;">Exaggerating your achievements or talents</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.mayoclinic.com/img/icon_li_footer.gif); background-position: 0px 7px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 13px;">Expecting constant praise and admiration</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.mayoclinic.com/img/icon_li_footer.gif); background-position: 0px 7px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 13px;">Believing that you're special and acting accordingly</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.mayoclinic.com/img/icon_li_footer.gif); background-position: 0px 7px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 13px;">Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.mayoclinic.com/img/icon_li_footer.gif); background-position: 0px 7px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 13px;">Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.mayoclinic.com/img/icon_li_footer.gif); background-position: 0px 7px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 13px;">Taking advantage of others</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.mayoclinic.com/img/icon_li_footer.gif); background-position: 0px 7px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 13px;">Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.mayoclinic.com/img/icon_li_footer.gif); background-position: 0px 7px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 13px;">Being jealous of others</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.mayoclinic.com/img/icon_li_footer.gif); background-position: 0px 7px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 13px;">Believing that others are jealous of you</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.mayoclinic.com/img/icon_li_footer.gif); background-position: 0px 7px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 13px;">Trouble keeping healthy relationships</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.mayoclinic.com/img/icon_li_footer.gif); background-position: 0px 7px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 13px;">Setting unrealistic goals</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.mayoclinic.com/img/icon_li_footer.gif); background-position: 0px 7px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 13px;">Being easily hurt and rejected</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.mayoclinic.com/img/icon_li_footer.gif); background-position: 0px 7px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 13px;">Having a fragile self-esteem</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.mayoclinic.com/img/icon_li_footer.gif); background-position: 0px 7px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 13px;">Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional"</li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="color: #54585a; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 19.5px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #54585a; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 19.5px;">For more detail on Narcissistic Tendencies and Warning Signs Read the articles below;</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #54585a; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 19.5px;"><br /></span></span></div>
Are you a Narcissist?<br />
<div>
(<a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201210/are-you-narcissist-6-sure-signs-narcissism">http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201210/are-you-narcissist-6-sure-signs-narcissism</a>)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Healthy Confidence or Destructive Narcissism</div>
<div>
(<a href="http://leaderchat.org/2011/10/24/healthy-confidence-or-destructive-narcissism-10-warning-signs/">http://leaderchat.org/2011/10/24/healthy-confidence-or-destructive-narcissism-10-warning-signs/</a>)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div>
Narcissism as a Mental Disorder</div>
<div>
(<a href="http://eternian.wordpress.com/conscience-disorders/">http://eternian.wordpress.com/conscience-disorders/</a>)</div>
</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Chelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129596932474741462.post-39158743908430134792012-09-23T10:10:00.001-07:002012-09-23T10:10:26.675-07:00Corporal Punishment or Legalized Child Abuse? <br />
Back in the day, when kids were caught cheating in my grade school, or Junior High/High School- you automatically got a zero on the assignment.<br />
In College and University Schools you get a 0 in the class and often get kicked out<br />
of the Deparment, College and University altogether. I agree with that policy.<br />
Some schools have suspension policies, which I think would have been better for this child's alleged cheating, than a spanking by a Vice Principal Male.<br />
<br />
Here is a new reason for your children not to cheat.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/mom-angry-male-vice-principal-spanked-her-daughter-234456335--abc-news-topstories.html">http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/mom-angry-male-vice-principal-spanked-her-daughter-234456335--abc-news-topstories.html</a>
<br />
<br />
What do you think? Is this state mandated child abuse?<br />
Should it be allowed?<br />
In my opinion, I think it should not be allowed at all.<br />
<br />
If you think it should be allowed, should the law of same gender punishment be enforced?<br />
How do you feel about this?<br />
<br />
Why are teachers hitting our children and students?<br />
Trying to scare them into being honest in school?<br />
I don't think it works.<br />
<br />
<br />
Chelsea<br />
<br />
<br />Chelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129596932474741462.post-43605027046993432492012-09-16T00:02:00.000-07:002012-09-16T00:02:33.604-07:00Important Domestic Violence Resources<br />
If you live in Salt Lake County, Utah (or anywhere) and are being abused;<br />
Mentally, Emotionally, Financially or Physically you can take these important steps to protect yourself and your children.<br />
<br />
Call the Police or Victim's Services to protect yourself and your family.<br />
If you cannot safely call them, leave.<br />
Get away from your abuser, and make sure your children are safely with you.<br />
<br />
Here's how to secure a Protective Order against your abuser;<br />
<a href="http://www.utcourts.gov/resources/forms/protectorder/">http://www.utcourts.gov/resources/forms/protectorder/</a><br />
<br />
You can call this D.V. Hotline for support and help;<br />
<a href="http://udvc.org/udvc/utah-domestic-violence-linkline">http://udvc.org/udvc/utah-domestic-violence-linkline</a><br />
<br />
Make plans to stay safe; http://www.utcourts.gov/resources/forms/protectorder/staysafe.html<br />
<br />
Numbers for Emergencies and Assistance;<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.uw.org/211/find-help/resources-by-county/salt-lake-general-resource-list.pdf">http://www.uw.org/211/find-help/resources-by-county/salt-lake-general-resource-list.pdf</a><br />
<br />
Single Parent Resource List;<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.uw.org/211/find-help/resources-by-need/single-parent-resource-list.pdf">http://www.uw.org/211/find-help/resources-by-need/single-parent-resource-list.pdf</a><br />
<br />
Health Insurance Assistance;<br />
<a href="http://www.uw.org/211/find-help/resources-by-need/health-insurance-resource-list.pdf">http://www.uw.org/211/find-help/resources-by-need/health-insurance-resource-list.pdf</a><br />
<br />
Domestic Violence Shelters and Shelters for transient persons;<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.uw.org/211/find-help/resources-by-need/homeless-resource-list.pdf">http://www.uw.org/211/find-help/resources-by-need/homeless-resource-list.pdf</a><br />
<br />
<br />
Good luck and stay safe!<br />
<br />
ChelseaChelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129596932474741462.post-79540165000841638652012-09-14T19:13:00.001-07:002012-09-21T12:43:07.734-07:00What a Woman Needs<a href="http://expertscolumn.com/content/what-women-want">How to take care of your Woman</a>Chelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129596932474741462.post-76753615723570331832012-08-25T13:40:00.000-07:002012-08-25T13:40:24.092-07:00Intimate Partner Violence Awareness and Prevention<a href="http://expertscolumn.com/content/intimate-partner-violence-awareness-and-prevention" title="Intimate Partner Violence Awareness and Prevention"><h1>Intimate Partner Violence Awareness and Prevention</h1></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://expertscolumn.com/content/emotional-intelligence" title="Emotional Intelligence"><h1>Emotional Intelligence</h1></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://expertscolumn.com/content/why-do-manic-depressive-patients-have-frequent-migraines" title="Why do Manic Depressive patients have frequent migraines?"><h1>Why do Manic Depressive patients have frequent migraines?</h1></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://expertscolumn.com/content/emotional-intelligence" title="Emotional Intelligence"><h1>Emotional Intelligence</h1></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://expertscolumn.com/content/counting-your-blessings" title="Counting your Blessings"><h1>Counting your Blessings</h1></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://expertscolumn.com/content/social-media-addiction" title="Is Social Media an Addiction?"><h1>Is Social Media an Addiction?</h1></a>Chelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129596932474741462.post-56844962005747829332012-08-22T17:59:00.003-07:002012-08-22T18:03:37.501-07:00Family Violence TrainingPeople suffer horrible trauma at the hands of violence. Although experiences are tragic and heartbreaking, victims of violence can develop resiliency in response to their abuse.<br />
<br />
What is Resiliency? Even children who come out of severe situations are able to perservere and become contributing members to society. They learn what they are not going to do when they have their own marriages and kids. <br />
<br />
Resiliency research shows that children, teenagers and others who live in crime torn neighborhoods and are surrounded by poverty, can become very resilient in their adulthood. Intervention is the key to the person finding hoping in their lives. Positive teachers, peers, church leaders, and therapists can assist an individual's journey back onto a positive trajectory.<br />
Children of war torn countries suffer deplorable violence.<br />
As the children grow they may channel the violence as motivation to seek human rights and therapy for other families and children in similar situations.<br />
<br />
The Story Of John Bul Dau- Sudanese Lost Boys<br />
<br />
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/EPcDwQ7v7Q4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
<br />
I am so thankful for the abundant blessing I have.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLvJqkczK-_51Re8FPyY5kfafyqjBdTznSbw_otdRlZfzXdimwOagAWO86UNMB8_jJzrLHgJC7Xtc7zgH9FcsdRJOYdrHzNJC3DMmYBlX8Nhpr461yR00xZbErO2QD9gOryEQy785kIXI/s1600/hero.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLvJqkczK-_51Re8FPyY5kfafyqjBdTznSbw_otdRlZfzXdimwOagAWO86UNMB8_jJzrLHgJC7Xtc7zgH9FcsdRJOYdrHzNJC3DMmYBlX8Nhpr461yR00xZbErO2QD9gOryEQy785kIXI/s320/hero.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Chelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129596932474741462.post-48325052758483492632012-08-21T14:23:00.000-07:002012-08-21T14:23:34.172-07:00Addicted to youHere are signs of people that are obsessed with you and may have an addiction to try to control your feelings, and their circumstances. I actually really like this song.<br />
<br />
<iframe src="https://embed.spotify.com/?uri=spotify:track:38z6jaLE0F13dxv28n3wlq" width="300" height="380" frameborder="0" allowtransparency="true"></iframe><br />
Chelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129596932474741462.post-28791821785695115692012-07-02T15:05:00.000-07:002012-07-02T15:05:09.949-07:00What is abuse? How do I recognize it?<h3 style="background-image: none; border-bottom-color: rgb(185, 199, 222); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; clear: both; color: #3c5cae; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; margin: 3px 0px 2px; padding: 0px 0px 1px; text-align: left;">It Is Still Abuse If . . .</h3><ul style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; list-style-type: square; margin: 0.5em 0.5em 0.5em 1.3em; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><strong>The incidents of physical abuse seem minor</strong> when compared to those you have read about, seen on television or heard other women talk about. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” form of physical abuse; you can be severely injured as a result of being pushed, for example.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><strong>The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times</strong> <strong>in the relationship.</strong>Studies indicate that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely he/she will continue to physically assault you.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><strong>The physical assaults stopped when you became passive</strong> and gave up your right to express yourself as you desire, to move about freely and see others, and to make decisions. It is not a victory if you have to give up your rights as a person and a partner in exchange for not being assaulted!</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><strong>There has not been any physical violence.</strong> Many women and men are emotionally and verbally assaulted. This can be as equally frightening and is often more confusing to try to understand.</li>
</ul><span style="color: #333333; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">Source:</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;"> </span><em style="color: #333333; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">Breaking the Silence: a Handbook for Victims of Violence in Nebraska</em><br />
<br />
<h3 style="background-image: none; border-bottom-color: rgb(185, 199, 222); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; clear: both; color: #3c5cae; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; margin: 3px 0px 2px; padding: 0px 0px 1px; text-align: left;">Economic or financial abuse: A subtle form of emotional abuse</h3><div style="color: #333333; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 2px; margin-top: 8px; text-align: left;">Remember, an abuser’s goal is to control you, and he or she will frequently use money to do so<em>.</em>Economic or financial abuse includes:</div><div class="leftfloatdiv" style="color: #333333; float: left; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 5px; text-align: left; width: 318px;"><ul style="list-style-type: square; margin: 0.5em 0.5em 0.5em 1.3em; padding: 0px;"><li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Rigidly controlling your finances.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">Withholding money or credit cards.</span></li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">Making you account for every penny you spend.</span></li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).</span></li>
</ul></div><div class="leftfloatdiv" style="color: #333333; float: left; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 5px; text-align: left; width: 300px;"><ul style="list-style-type: square; margin: 0.5em 0.5em 0.5em 1.3em; padding: 0px;"><li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">Restricting you to an allowance.</span></li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.</span></li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly).</span></li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">Stealing from you or taking your money.</span></li>
</ul></div><span style="background-color: white;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="advisorybox" style="border: 1px solid rgb(185, 199, 222); color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0em; padding: 5px 9px 7px; text-align: left;"><h3 style="background-image: none; border-bottom-color: rgb(185, 199, 222); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; clear: both; color: #3c5cae; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; margin: 3px 0px 2px; padding: 0px 0px 1px;"><strong style="background-color: white;">Abusers <em>are</em> able to control their behavior—they do it all the time.</strong></h3><ul style="list-style-type: square; margin: 0.5em 0.5em 0.5em 1.3em; padding: 0px;"><li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;"><strong>Abusers pick and choose whom to abuse.</strong> They don’t insult, threaten, or assault everyone in their life who gives them grief. Usually, they save their abuse for the people closest to them, the ones they claim to love.</span></li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;"><strong>Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse. </strong>They control themselves until no one else is around to see their abusive behavior. They may act like everything is fine in public, but lash out instantly as soon as you’re alone.</span></li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;"><strong>Abusers are able to stop their abusive behavior when it benefits them.</strong> Most abusers are not out of control. In fact, they’re able to immediately stop their abusive behavior when it’s to their advantage to do so (for example, when the police show up or their boss calls).</span></li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;"><strong>Violent abusers usually direct their blows where they won’t show</strong>. Rather than acting out in a mindless rage, many physically violent abusers carefully aim their kicks and punches where the bruises and marks won’t show.</span></li>
</ul></div><h2 style="border-bottom-color: rgb(235, 215, 207); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; clear: both; color: #ad5836; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 18px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.385em; margin: 7px 0px 5px; padding: 0px 26px 0px 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white;"><a href="" id="cycle" name="cycle"></a>The cycle of violence in domestic abuse</span></h2><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:</div><ul style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; list-style-type: square; margin: 0.05em 1em 1em 1.7em; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><strong><img alt="Cycle of violence" class="img_right" src="http://www.helpguide.org/images/trauma_abuse/im_cycle.gif" style="float: right; margin: 3px 0px 0px 10px;" /></strong><strong>Abuse</strong> – Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show you "who is boss."</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><strong>Guilt</strong> – After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what he's done. He’s more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for his abusive behavior.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><span id="lw_1279218798_0"><strong>Excuses</strong></span> – Your abuser rationalizes what he or she has done. The person may come up with a string of excuses or blame you for the <span id="lw_1279218798_1">abusive behavior</span>—anything to avoid taking responsibility.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><strong>"Normal" behavior</strong> — The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><strong>Fantasy and planning</strong> – Your abuser begins to fantasize about abusing you again. He spends a lot of time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how he'll make you pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><strong>Set-up</strong> – Your abuser sets you up and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing you.</li>
</ul><span style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">Your abuser’s apologies and loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse can make it difficult to leave. He may make you believe that you are the only person who can help him, that things will be different this time, and that he truly loves you. However, the dangers of staying are very real.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<h3 style="background-color: #eeeeee; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; margin: 1em 0px 0.4em; padding: 3px 3px 4px; text-align: left;">General warning signs of domestic abuse</h3><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">People who are being abused may:</div><ul style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; list-style-type: square; margin: 0.05em 1em 1em 1.7em; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Go along with everything their partner says and does.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness.</li>
</ul><h3 style="background-color: #eeeeee; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; margin: 1em 0px 0.4em; padding: 3px 3px 4px; text-align: left;">Warning signs of physical violence</h3><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">People who are being physically abused may:</div><ul style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; list-style-type: square; margin: 0.05em 1em 1em 1.7em; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents.”</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors).</li>
</ul><h3 style="background-color: #eeeeee; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; margin: 1em 0px 0.4em; padding: 3px 3px 4px; text-align: left;">Warning signs of isolation</h3><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">People who are being isolated by their abuser may:</div><ul style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; list-style-type: square; margin: 0.05em 1em 1em 1.7em; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Be restricted from seeing family and friends.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Rarely go out in public without their partner.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car.</li>
</ul><h3 style="background-color: #eeeeee; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; margin: 1em 0px 0.4em; padding: 3px 3px 4px; text-align: left;">The psychological warning signs of abuse</h3><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">People who are being abused may:</div><ul style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; list-style-type: square; margin: 0.05em 1em 1em 1.7em; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn).</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Be depressed, anxious, or suicidal.</li>
</ul><h2 style="background-color: white; border-bottom-color: rgb(235, 215, 207); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; clear: both; color: #ad5836; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 18px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.385em; margin: 7px 0px 5px; padding: 0px 26px 0px 0px; text-align: left;"><a href="" name="speak"></a>Speak up if you suspect domestic violence or abuse</h2><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up! If you’re hesitating—telling yourself that it’s none of your business, you might be wrong, or the person might not want to talk about it—keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save his or her life.</div><div class="advisorybox" style="background-color: #dee7f7; border: 1px solid rgb(185, 199, 222); color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; height: 188px; margin: 1em 0em; padding: 5px 9px 7px; text-align: left;"><h3 style="background-image: none; border-bottom-color: rgb(185, 199, 222); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; clear: both; color: #3c5cae; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; margin: 3px 0px 2px; padding: 0px 0px 1px;">Do's and Don'ts</h3><div class="leftfloatdiv" style="float: left; margin-bottom: 5px; width: 318px;"><div style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 2px; margin-top: 8px;"><strong>Do:</strong></div><ul style="list-style-type: square; margin: 0.5em 0.5em 0.5em 1.3em; padding: 0px;"><li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Ask if something is wrong.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Express concern.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Listen and validate.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Offer help.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Support his or her decisions.</li>
</ul></div><div class="leftfloatdiv" style="float: left; margin-bottom: 5px; width: 300px;"><div style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 2px; margin-top: 8px;"><strong>Don’t:</strong></div><ul style="list-style-type: square; margin: 0.5em 0.5em 0.5em 1.3em; padding: 0px;"><li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Wait for him or her to come to you.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Judge or blame.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Pressure him or her.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Give advice.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Place conditions on your support.</li>
</ul></div><em><br clear="all" /></em><div style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 2px; margin-top: 8px;">Adapted from:<em> NYS Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence</em></div></div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">Talk to the person in private and let him or her know that you’re concerned. Point out the things you’ve noticed that make you worried. Tell the person that you’re there, whenever he or she feels ready to talk. Reassure the person that you’ll keep whatever is said between the two of you, and let him or her know that you’ll help in any way you can.</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. People who have been emotionally abused or battered are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet they’ve often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.(<a href="http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm</a>)</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">Are you in (or were you in) an abusive relationship?</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;"></div><h2 style="border-bottom-color: rgb(235, 215, 207); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; clear: both; color: #ad5836; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 18px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.385em; margin: 7px 0px 5px; padding: 0px 26px 0px 0px;">Getting out of an abusive relationship</h2><div style="margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px;"><br />
If you’re trying to decide whether to stay or leave, you may be feeling confused, uncertain, frightened, and torn. One moment, you may desperately want to get away, and the next, you may want to hang on to the relationship. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px;">Maybe you even blame yourself for the abuse or feel weak and embarrassed because you’ve stuck around in spite of it. Don’t be trapped by confusion, guilt, or self-blame. The only thing that matters is your safety.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px;"><em>Why doesn’t she just leave?</em> It’s the question many people ask when they learn that a woman is being battered and abused. But if you are in an abusive relationship, you know that it’s not that simple. Ending an important relationship is never easy. It’s even harder when you’ve been isolated from your family and friends, psychologically beaten down, financially controlled, and physically threatened.</div><h3 style="background-color: #eeeeee; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; margin: 1em 0px 0.4em; padding: 3px 3px 4px;">If you are being abused, remember:</h3><div class="leftfloatdiv" style="float: left; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 5px; width: 300px;"><ul style="list-style-type: square; margin: 0.05em 1em 1em 1.7em; padding: 0px;"><li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">You are not to blame for being battered or mistreated.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">You are not the cause of your partner’s abusive behavior.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">You deserve to be treated with respect.</li>
</ul></div><div class="leftfloatdiv" style="float: left; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 5px; width: 300px;"><ul style="list-style-type: square; margin: 0.05em 1em 1em 1.7em; padding: 0px;"><li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">You deserve a safe and happy life.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">Your children deserve a safe and happy life.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">You are not alone. There are people waiting to help.</li>
</ul></div><br clear="all" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium; line-height: normal;" /><h2 style="border-bottom-color: rgb(235, 215, 207); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; clear: both; color: #ad5836; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 18px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.385em; margin: 7px 0px 5px; padding: 0px 26px 0px 0px;"><a href="" name="decision"></a>Help for abused and battered women: Making the decision to leave</h2><div style="margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px;">As you face the decision to either end the abusive relationship or try to save it, keep the following things in mind:</div><ul style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium; line-height: normal; list-style-type: square; margin: 0.05em 1em 1em 1.7em; padding: 0px;"><li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><strong>If you’re hoping your abusive partner will change...</strong> The abuse will probably happen again. Abusers have deep emotional and psychological problems. While change is not impossible, it isn’t quick or easy. And change can only happen once your abuser takes full responsibility for his behavior, seeks professional treatment, and stops blaming you, his unhappy childhood, stress, work, his drinking, or his temper.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><strong>If you believe you can help your abuser...</strong> It’s only natural that you want to help your partner. You may think you’re the only one who understands him or that it’s your responsibility to fix his problems. But the truth is that by staying and accepting repeated abuse, you’re reinforcing and enabling the abusive behavior. Instead of helping your abuser, you’re perpetuating the problem.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><strong>If your partner has promised to stop the abuse... </strong>When facing consequences,<strong> </strong>abusers often plead for another chance, beg for forgiveness, and promise to change. They may even mean what they say in the moment, but their true goal is to stay in control and keep you from leaving. But most of the time, they quickly return to their abusive behavior once they’ve been forgiven and they’re no longer worried that you’ll leave.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><strong>If your partner is in counseling or a program for batterers...</strong> Even if your partner is in counseling, there is no guarantee that he’ll change. Many abusers who go through counseling continue to be violent, abusive, and controlling. If your partner has stopped minimizing the problem or making excuses, that’s a good sign. But you still need to make your decision based on who he is now, not the man you hope he will become.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;"><strong>If you’re worried about what will happen if you leave..</strong>. You may be afraid of what your abusive partner will do, where you’ll go, or how you’ll support yourself or your children. But don’t let fear of the unknown keep you in a dangerous, unhealthy situation.</li>
</ul><div class="advisorybox" style="background-color: #dee7f7; border: 1px solid rgb(185, 199, 222); color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium; line-height: normal; margin: 1em 0em; padding: 5px 9px 7px;"><h3 style="background-image: none; border-bottom-color: rgb(185, 199, 222); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; clear: both; color: #3c5cae; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; margin: 3px 0px 2px; padding: 0px 0px 1px;">Signs that your abuser is NOT changing:</h3><div class="leftfloatdiv" style="float: left; margin-bottom: 5px; width: 300px;"><ul style="list-style-type: square; margin: 0.5em 0.5em 0.5em 1.3em; padding: 0px;"><li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">He minimizes the abuse or denies how serious it really was.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">He continues to blame others for his behavior.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">He claims that you’re the one who is abusive.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">He pressures you to go to couple’s counseling.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">He tells you that you owe him another chance.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">You have to push him to stay in treatment.</li>
</ul></div><div class="leftfloatdiv" style="float: left; margin-bottom: 5px; width: 300px;"><ul style="list-style-type: square; margin: 0.5em 0.5em 0.5em 1.3em; padding: 0px;"><li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">He says that he can’t change unless you stay with him and support him.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">He tries to get sympathy from you, your children, or your family and friends.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">He expects something from you in exchange for getting help.</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px;">He pressures you to make decisions about the relationship.</li>
</ul></div></div><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" /><br />
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">References</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm</a><a href="http://www.examiner.com/article/were-you-an-abusive-relationship">h</a></div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.examiner.com/article/were-you-an-abusive-relationship">ttp://www.examiner.com/article/were-you-an-abusive-relationship</a> </div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;"><a href="http://suite101.com/article/recognizing-emotional-abuse-a43509" style="background-color: transparent;">http://suite101.com/article/recognizing-emotional-abuse-a43509</a></div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm</a></div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">The above articles may help you in your journey towards freedom from abuse.</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">Please be careful in surfing the web.</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">Delete all of your browsers History and Cookies.</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">Do not save passwords and change your passwords frequently.</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">This way your personal and clinical information stays safer.</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">Sometimes, Using a trusted friend or family member's computer may be a better decision.</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">Especially if you share a computer with the abuser.</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-top: 2px; text-align: left;">Chelsea </div>Chelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129596932474741462.post-5908857526639665272012-06-25T18:12:00.002-07:002012-06-25T18:43:51.325-07:00Forgive YourselfAnd be free of your pain.<br />
As some say: "Let go and Let God."<br />
<br />
This post has some religious content.<br />
I've found that many of the tactics are attitudes are helpful in anyone's journey to Forgiveness and Healing.<br />
Even if the person who hurt you never changes.<br />
Forgiveness is not making excuses for the person who hurt you.<br />
It is not excusing the behavior or the offense.<br />
Forgiveness is giving your pain to a Higher Power or surrendering your feelings, and allowing something bigger than yourself to handle it. Whatever you believe your "Higher Power" to be, or however you understand it; remember you are not in the Journey to Forgiveness alone.<br />
There are many others who deal with this pain every day, and would like to help you heal too.<br />
We are here to help each other.<br />
<br />
D.V. Shelter Info. <a href="http://domesticviolencestatistics.org/domestic-violence-shelters/">http://domesticviolencestatistics.org/domestic-violence-shelters/</a> <br />
D.V. and Depression/Alcoholism : <a href="http://domesticviolencestatistics.org/domestic-violence-and-depression/">http://domesticviolencestatistics.org/domestic-violence-and-depression/</a><br />
D.V. Statistics : <a href="http://domesticviolencestatistics.org/domestic-violence-statistics/">http://domesticviolencestatistics.org/domestic-violence-statistics/</a><br />
CDC Violence Intervention: <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/intimatepartnerviolence/index.html">http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/intimatepartnerviolence/index.html</a><br />
BJS: <a href="http://bjs.ojp.usdoj.gov/index.cfm?ty=tp&tid=971">http://bjs.ojp.usdoj.gov/index.cfm?ty=tp&tid=971</a><br />
NCVC: <a href="http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=38711">http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=38711</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="clearfix" id="details" style="background-color: #f9f6ed; border: 0px; color: #777777; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'Lucida Sans', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 35px 30px 30px 45px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; zoom: 1;"><h1 style="background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px; clear: both; color: #3c424e; font-family: OFLSortsMillGoudyRegular, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 48px; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: -1px; line-height: 54px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 530px;">Finding Peace through Forgiveness</h1><div>Content Copied and pasted from: </div><div>(<a href="http://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness?lang=eng">http://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness?lang=eng</a>)</div><h2 class="author" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #2a3753; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 26px; margin: 15px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 435px;"><div class="byline" id="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 5px; padding: 0px; text-transform: uppercase; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness.p2"><br />
</div></div></h2><hr style="border-color: rgb(243, 183, 82); border-style: solid none none; border-top-width: 7px; clear: both; color: #f3b752; float: left; height: 7px; margin: 30px 0px 18px; padding: 0px; width: 225px;" /></div><div id="primary" style="background-color: #f9f6ed; border: 0px; color: #2f393a; float: left; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'Lucida Sans', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 45px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 470px;"><blockquote class="intro dontHighlight" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: DistrictThin, 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'Lucida Sans', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 15px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; quotes: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="kicker" id="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 24px; line-height: 28px; margin: 0px 0px 15px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I wrestled with rage after someone had deeply hurt me. How could I find peace?</div></blockquote><div class="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness.p4">Sick with anger, confusion, and grief, I decided to search <a href="http://www.lds.org/" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #486fae; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">LDS.org</a> for articles about <a class="no-link-style" href="http://lds.org/general-conference/2005/10/forgiveness?lang=eng" style="background-color: transparent; border: none !important; color: #2f393a; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none !important; vertical-align: baseline;">forgiveness</a>. I wanted to know what Church leaders had said about how to find peace after experiencing an egregious offense. As the search engine processed my request, I mentally relived the painful episode. My stomach churned and my pulse quickened. “How is it humanly possible to be at peace?” I asked myself.</div><div class="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness.p5">Dozens of general conference talks seemed to address the issue. I clicked on a promising piece from President James E. Faust (1920–2007) and quickly skimmed its contents.<sup class="noteMarker" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 10px; line-height: 1; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><a href="http://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness?lang=eng#footnote1-10406_000_025" style="background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px; color: #486fae; font-size: 9px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">1</a></sup> An Amish community forgave the distraught milkman who shot and killed several of its schoolgirls. A man forgave the drunk driver who caused the deaths of his wife and children. What could I learn from these scenarios?</div><div class="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness.p6">As I considered this question, I became agitated. These stories did not mirror mine. In both cases, the offender had either died or faced immediate prosecution, so the victims did not have to fear ongoing or future offenses. In my case, the perpetrator was still part of my life and wasn’t facing death or a public justice system. This person had not committed a crime, but had nearly destroyed two significant relationships. How could I forgive someone who had not yet repented or suffered any punishment? How could I forgive when the offense might even recur?</div><div class="preamble" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I reread Elder Faust’s article and noticed I’d missed a few vital points:</div><ul class="bullet" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 18px; list-style: none; margin: 0px 0px 30px 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="label" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">•</span> <div style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; display: inline; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“Forgiveness is not always instantaneous.”<sup class="noteMarker" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 10px; line-height: 1; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><a href="http://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness?lang=eng#footnote2-10406_000_025" style="background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px; color: #486fae; font-size: 9px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">2</a></sup></div></li>
<li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="label" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">•</span> <div style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; display: inline; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“Most of us need time to work through pain and loss.”<sup class="noteMarker" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 10px; line-height: 1; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><a href="http://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness?lang=eng#footnote3-10406_000_025" style="background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px; color: #486fae; font-size: 9px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">3</a></sup></div></li>
<li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="label" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">•</span> <div style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; display: inline; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“Forgiveness comes more readily when … we have faith in God and trust in His word.”<sup class="noteMarker" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 10px; line-height: 1; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><a href="http://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness?lang=eng#footnote4-10406_000_025" style="background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px; color: #486fae; font-size: 9px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">4</a></sup></div></li>
<li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="label" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">•</span> <div style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; display: inline; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“If we will get on our knees and ask Heavenly Father for a feeling of forgiveness, He will help us.”<sup class="noteMarker" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 10px; line-height: 1; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><a href="http://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness?lang=eng#footnote5-10406_000_025" style="background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px; color: #486fae; font-size: 9px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">5</a></sup></div></li>
</ul><div class="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness.p12">Each of these truths inched me closer to the hope that eventual peace might be attainable.</div><div class="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness.p13">That evening I pondered something about forgiveness that I had understood in principle but never fully appreciated: Forgiveness was not primarily about restoring my relationship with the person who had offended me. Instead, its focus was restoring and improving my relationship with God. It was about trusting—really trusting—that He would take care of me and that He hadn’t allowed anything to happen to me that wouldn’t eventually work out for my benefit. Forgiveness centered on drawing close to Heavenly Father, understanding the Atonement of<a class="no-link-style" href="http://mormon.org/jesus-christ" style="background-color: transparent; border: none !important; color: #2f393a; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none !important; vertical-align: baseline;">Jesus Christ</a>, and laying everything on the altar—and doing this cheerfully, with confidence that I was safe in Heavenly Father’s care.</div><div class="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness.p14">Being safe, I learned, didn’t mean living an idyllic, stress-free life. It meant that even while coping with harrowing challenges, I had a lifeline to my Father. As I navigated life’s perils, I could be as safe as Daniel in the lions’ den (see <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/dan/6?lang=eng" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #486fae; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Daniel 6</a>), David facing Goliath (see <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/1-sam/17?lang=eng" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #486fae; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">1 Samuel 17</a>), Esther approaching the king (see <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/esth/2?lang=eng" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #486fae; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Esther 2–7</a>), Alma and Amulek in prison (see<a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/14?lang=eng" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #486fae; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Alma 14</a>), or Nephi when he returned to Jerusalem for the brass plates (see<a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/1-ne/3?lang=eng" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #486fae; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">1 Nephi 3–4</a>). Like Abinadi, I could experience peace and loving direction even in the midst of profound distress (see <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/12?lang=eng" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #486fae; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Mosiah 12–17</a>). If I stayed connected to heaven as circumstances and conversations unfolded, then I could, in the way He wanted me to, interact with—or avoid—the person who had caused me pain. I took strength in envisioning how the Savior would live if He stepped into my shoes. Turning my focus to Him was the key to freedom, the key to forgiveness.</div><div class="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness.p15">However, staying focused wasn’t easy. Often tempted to mentally replay the offense and re-stir the painful emotions it wrought, I constantly battled negativity. Again, I was helped by what President Faust taught: “The Savior has offered to all of us a precious peace through His Atonement, but this can come only as we are willing to cast out negative feelings of anger, spite, or revenge.”<sup class="noteMarker" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 10px; line-height: 1; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><a href="http://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness?lang=eng#footnote6-10406_000_025" style="background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px; color: #486fae; font-size: 9px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">6</a></sup> Knowing it was important to redirect my thoughts, I groped for ways to focus my energy on light, hope, and joy. For me, it was helpful to memorize scriptures whenever I was troubled by hurt and anger. After a few weeks of implementing this practice, I’d memorized several chapters from Isaiah, and my recollection of the troubling offense seemed to hold less prominence in my thoughts.</div><div class="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness.p16">Time passed. In response to much fasting and prayer, Heavenly Father helped me heal. But healing was a gradual process, not an overnight miracle. Some days I felt peaceful and forgiving. Other times I wrestled with rage or despondency. As I drew near to Heavenly Father, however, He helped me think more as He did and see others more as He saw them—through eyes of mercy. As time passed, I experienced promptings that helped me understand, empathize with, and finally love the person who had hurt me. While it would be premature to say I’m now completely at peace with the past, I do feel more connected to God than I have ever felt before. That’s an invaluable blessing.</div><div class="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness.p17">President Faust closed his conference talk with this testimony: “With all my heart and soul, I believe in the healing power that can come to us as we follow the counsel of the Savior ‘to forgive all men’ (<a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/64.10?lang=eng#9" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #486fae; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">D&C 64:10</a>).”<sup class="noteMarker" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 10px; line-height: 1; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><a href="http://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness?lang=eng#footnote7-10406_000_025" style="background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px; color: #486fae; font-size: 9px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">7</a></sup> I share this testimony. Healing does come. In fact, it’s my experience that the Savior doesn’t heal souls by simply restoring us to our former state of wellness. When He heals, He graciously overdoes it. He makes us healthier than we ever were before the onset of the affliction. His objective is our happiness and peace.</div><div class="figure" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><h2 style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #2a3753; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a class="no-link-style" href="http://lds.org/general-conference/2005/10/forgiveness?lang=eng" style="background-color: transparent; border: none !important; color: #2f393a; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none !important; vertical-align: baseline;">Forgiveness</a> Heals Your Wounds</h2><img alt="Elder Richard G. Scott" src="http://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/images/magazines/ensign/2012/06/richard-g-scott.jpg" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" /><br />
<div class="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness.p27">“Forgiveness … can be hard to understand, even more difficult to give.<span class="emphasis" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; font-style: italic; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Begin by withholding judgment.</span> … Leave the handling of aggressors to others. As you experience an easing of your own pain, full forgiveness will come more easily.</div><div class="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness.p28">“You cannot erase what has been done, but you can forgive. (See <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/64.10?lang=eng#9" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #486fae; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">D&C 64:10</a>.) Forgiveness heals terrible, tragic wounds, for it allows <a class="no-link-style" href="http://lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/the-love-of-god?lang=eng" style="background-color: transparent; border: none !important; color: #2f393a; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none !important; vertical-align: baseline;">the love of God</a> to purge your heart and mind of the poison of hate. It cleanses your consciousness of the desire for revenge. It makes place for the purifying, healing, restoring love of the Lord.</div><div class="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness.p29">“The Master counseled, ‘Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them <span class="emphasis" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; font-style: italic; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">who despitefully use you and persecute you</span>’ (<a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/12.44?lang=eng#43" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #486fae; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">3 Nephi 12:44</a>; italics added).</div><div class="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness.p30">“Bitterness and hatred are harmful. They produce much that is destructive. They postpone the relief and healing you yearn for. Through rationalization and self-pity, they can transform a victim into an abuser. Let God be the judge—you cannot do it as well as he can.”</div><div class="citationInfo" id="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #8d8a81; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/ensign/2012/06/finding-peace-through-forgiveness.p31">Elder <a href="http://www.lds.org/church/leader/richard-g-scott?lang=eng" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #486fae; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Richard G. Scott</a> of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “Healing the Tragic Scars of Abuse,” <span class="emphasis" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; font-style: italic; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Ensign,</span> May 1992, 32–33.</div></div></div><div id="references" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 11px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><h4 style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 14px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br />
</h4></div></div>Chelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129596932474741462.post-4720601493424417882012-05-26T19:20:00.001-07:002012-05-26T19:59:57.551-07:00A Survey for Victim's of Violence<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">Please look into the Websites and Links I posted at the end of this page as well.</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">They will help you on your journey to Freedom.</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">Whether you are a man or a woman suffering abuse these are signs of Abuse.</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">The Battered Women's Task Force of the NY State Coalition Against Domestic Violence asks women to answer "yes" or "no" to the following signs of domestic violence. BE HONEST!!</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">Does your partner:</div><ol style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 1.12em 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 10px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;"><li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">hit, punch, slap, shove, or bite you?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">threaten to hurt you or your children?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">threaten to hurt friends or family members?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">have sudden outbursts of anger or rage?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">behave in an overprotective manner?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">become jealous without reason?<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="moduletablefloatRight" style="float: right; margin: 0px 0px 0px 15px; max-width: 100%;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: left;"><div class="hp-ad" id="hp-ad-411" style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 15px 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><ins style="border: none; display: inline-table; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; height: 250px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; visibility: visible; width: 300px;"></ins><br />
<ins id="aswift_1_anchor" style="border: none; display: block; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; height: 250px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; visibility: visible; width: 300px;"></ins><br />
<iframe allowtransparency="true" frameborder="0" height="250" hspace="0" id="aswift_1" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" name="aswift_1" scrolling="no" style="border-width: 0px; font: inherit; left: 0px; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" vspace="0" width="300"></iframe><br />
<br />
</div><div align="center" style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: grey;"><br />
</span></div></td></tr>
</tbody></table></li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">prevent you from seeing family or friends?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">prevent you from going where you want, when you want?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">prevent you from working or attending school?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">destroy personal property or sentimental items?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">deny you access to family assets, such as bank accounts,<br />
credit cards, or even the car?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">control all finances and force you to account for what you spend?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">force you to have sex against your will?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">force you to engage in sexual acts you do not enjoy?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">insult you or call you derogatory names?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">use intimidation or manipulation to control you or your children?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">humiliate you in front of your children?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">turn minor incidents into major arguments?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">abuse or threaten to abuse pets?</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The author of <em style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0449910792/healthyplacecom" id="Click to Buy No Visible Wounds" rel="nofollow" style="-webkit-transition: all 0.1s linear; border: 0px; color: #087fae; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank" title="Click to Buy No Visible Wounds">No Visible Wounds</a></em>, Mary Susan Miller, adds one more: withhold conversation, sex, or affection from you?</li>
</ol><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">Now, notice that only one, the first, is physical in nature. Here's the big one: <u>If you answered <strong style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">yes</strong> to just one of the above, you are being abused.</u> </div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">I don't care what the reasons the Perpetrator gives you for their actions. <u>If the perp. engages in just ONE of those listed, the person is abusing you. </u>As one victim put it, "It wasn't being hit or thrown against the wall that hurt most. It was having to live like a non-person." (from <em style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0449910792/healthyplacecom" id="Click to Buy No Visible Wounds" rel="nofollow" style="-webkit-transition: all 0.1s linear; border: 0px; color: #087fae; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank" title="Click to Buy No Visible Wounds">No Visible Wounds</a></em>)</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">The worst of it is this: more often than not, the "threats" of hitting will grow into reality. What once was "just" name-calling becomes public ridicule, and eventually physical abuse.</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">Do you know <a href="http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/break-free/for-friends-and-family-of-domestic-violence-victims/" style="-webkit-transition: all 0.1s linear; border: 0px; color: #087fae; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank" title="Information for Friends and Family of Victims of Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence">someone who needs to read this</a>? Send it to that person, but make sure it's the Victim's E-mail and not the Perpetrators E-mail.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ6muneO2hrYCsV32T5Qi43UMm-jl0AEfiz6uQ4g-inxqdSr1ATSZEj0pLtMA14Omc357biwF71O8kBoHwr6C0Ss0QybhCD62trrmF-hq6w2v7TD20HXhg-B2dEMoFRtb5kMIKoUspohc/s1600/Power+and+Control+Wheel.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ6muneO2hrYCsV32T5Qi43UMm-jl0AEfiz6uQ4g-inxqdSr1ATSZEj0pLtMA14Omc357biwF71O8kBoHwr6C0Ss0QybhCD62trrmF-hq6w2v7TD20HXhg-B2dEMoFRtb5kMIKoUspohc/s320/Power+and+Control+Wheel.gif" width="319" /></a></div><br />
</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">(<a href="http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/break-free/list-of-abusive-behaviors/" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/break-free/list-of-abusive-behaviors/</a>)<br />
<br />
(<a href="http://www.ci.kent.wa.us/content.aspx?id=2642">http://www.ci.kent.wa.us/content.aspx?id=2642</a>)</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">(<a href="http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/break-free/signs-of-abuse/" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/break-free/signs-of-abuse/</a>)</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">(<u> Helpful Advice for Loved Ones of Violence Victimization</u></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/break-free/for-friends-and-family-of-domestic-violence-victims/" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/break-free/for-friends-and-family-of-domestic-violence-victims/</a>)</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">(<a href="http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/break-free/break-free-from-domestic-abuse-sitemap/" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/break-free/break-free-from-domestic-abuse-sitemap/</a>)</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">(<a href="http://www.overcomingpowerlessness.com/" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.overcomingpowerlessness.com/</a>)</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">(<a href="http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/break-free/break-free-from-domestic-abuse-domestic-violence/" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/break-free/break-free-from-domestic-abuse-domestic-violence/</a>)</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">(<a href="http://www.abrahamtwerski.com/index.php/component/content/article/52-interpersonal-and-social-issues/152-dealing-with-anger-10" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.abrahamtwerski.com/index.php/component/content/article/52-interpersonal-and-social-issues/152-dealing-with-anger-10</a>)</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">(<a href="http://www.matilijapress.com/articles/misc_jobloss.htm" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.matilijapress.com/articles/misc_jobloss.htm</a>)</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.589844); border: 0px; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 1.12em; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">(<a href="http://www.thisisawar.com/UnemploymentPain.htm" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.thisisawar.com/UnemploymentPain.htm</a>)</div>Chelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129596932474741462.post-15217975116789133462012-04-30T17:58:00.000-07:002012-04-30T17:58:00.979-07:00What Forgiveness really meansThis subject really interests me because I have had several people continually wrong me in my life with no thought that they had ever done so and no hope of apology or any kind of change in them. Dr. Fred Luskin talks about Forgiveness being for the abused; not the abuser. It's a way for us to move on with life and have a more positive attitude and circumstance. It is surrounding ourselves with safe people, and realizing that repeat offenders will most likely make us angry, sad, hurt or dissapointed again. It is not expecting anything, but HOPING for what you would like, and realizing it is not always within our power to grasp. Hope and change are always possible.<br />
He encourages healing through forgiveness. He states that forgiveness is not condoning or making excuses for bad behavior, or accepting that your circumstance is unchangable.You can leave! You can file a Protective Order, Restraining Order, TO PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY!<br />
However, sometimes the person who hurts you is a parent, sibling or old friend. It may be hard to control when you see them or not, and how they act. But, you can control your emotional and verbal responses to their innapropriate behavior. This is Chris William's journey of Forgiveness.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxxmx0ACXgR0ChlNUxbmBsABy2GoLGkOGimcXvD-zaaw93BPZCKG8mS_0XB3p_3qy1ySZ38MzafPyJaRndJJw' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
The person who has deeply hurt you; emotionally, physically, mentally or phsychologically will one day have to answer to a Higher Power. We cannot try to be God, Allah, "The Great Spirit" or the Master of the Universe. He has all control we do not. I really like the way that Dr. Luskin talks about Forgiveness and trying to enforce UNENFORCABLE Rules.We need to let go and let God and realize we cannot make a person behave a certain way.<br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><b style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br />
</b></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><b style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">The Nine Steps to Forgiveness</b></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;">1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK. Then, tell a couple of trusted people about your experience.</div><div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;">2. Make a commitment to yourself to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and no one else.</div><div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
4. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts, and physical upset you are suffering now, not from what offended you or hurt you two minutes—or 10 years—ago.3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciling with the person who upset you or condoning the action. In forgiveness you seek the peace and understanding that come from blaming people less after they offend you and taking those offenses less personally.</div><div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;">5. At the moment you feel upset, practice stress management to soothe your body’s fight or flight response.</div><div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;">6. Give up expecting things from your life or from other people that they do not choose to give you. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, friendship, and prosperity, and work hard to get them. However, these are “unenforceable rules:” You will suffer when you demand that these things occur, since you do not have the power to make them happen.</div><div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;">7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt you.</div><div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;">8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving power over you to the person who caused you pain, learn to look for the love, beauty, and kindness around you. Put more energy into appreciating what you have rather than attending to what you do not have.</div><div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;">9. Amend the way you look at your past so you remind yourself of your heroic choice to forgive.</div><div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;">(More information here;<a href="http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/fred_luskin_explains_how_to_forgive" style="background-color: transparent;">http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/fred_luskin_explains_how_to_forgive</a> )</div><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.nationalcenterforhomeopathy.org/files/2010_conference_handouts/Silvestri_Handout_1.pdf">http://www.nationalcenterforhomeopathy.org/files/2010_conference_handouts/Silvestri_Handout_1.pdf</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/reclaiming-life-through-forgiveness/">http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/reclaiming-life-through-forgiveness/</a> <br />
<br />
A Church Parish Pastor Shares his thoughts on Luskin's Forgiveness Technique;<br />
<a href="http://www.soledad-coachella.org/en/help/help/forgiveness.html">http://www.soledad-coachella.org/en/help/help/forgiveness.html</a> <br />
<br />
Busted Halo-An Online Magazine for Spiritual Seekers; <a href="http://bustedhalo.com/features/is-forgiveness-only-divine">http://bustedhalo.com/features/is-forgiveness-only-divine</a><br />
<br />
The Power of Forgiveness:<br />
<u>Stand in the Other's Shoes</u><br />
<br />
<div style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white;">Everett Worthington talks about our tendency at times to “ruminate” over our grievances, bringing them up every once in a while and chewing on them again, as it were. “Ev” is working on ways to measure unforgiveness - the amount of grudge and resentment we hold over an event.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white;">He has developed some techniques that prove useful. One of them is the two-chairs technique. Someone with a grievance sits in Chair A and addresses a real but absent offender sitting in Chair B, telling him how he feels. The subject is then asked to move to Chair B and respond as the offender might. Sitting in the offender’s place to explain why they acted as they did, the offended subjects are forced to think “outside the box,” to put themselves in the other’s place, perhaps seeing for the first time circumstances they had previously overlooked. This can open the way for seeing both sides of the story, and, eventually, to forgiveness.(More at; </span><a href="http://www.thepowerofforgiveness.com/understanding/health.html">http://www.thepowerofforgiveness.com/understanding/health.html</a>)</div>Chelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129596932474741462.post-75881112315306112592012-04-17T15:42:00.002-07:002012-04-18T11:09:23.733-07:00Domestic ViolenceLast year I took a class that was required for my Human Development & Family Studies Major.<br />
The class was called; Family Violence. There were a lot of pictures of abuse and there were too many instances where I was horrified, cried, and was distraught because of what had happen to the spouses and children of an abuser.<br />
<br />
An abuser can be; male, female, transgender, black, white, red, blue, orange or purple. They can be of any ethnicity or of any race in the world. The abuser could be physically abusing you at home, or verbally and emotionally abusing you at work, school or at other locations. They could be stalking you, following you or monitoring your internet, computer, phone and personal device use. They may be reading your emails, your history on your devices, and most of the time they are completely untrustworthy and scary. However, occasionally they can be apolagetic and promise that they will change, their behavior changes for a short time and they may give the victim gifts to help them get over the event. Remember, you have the right to feel safe, be safe and to be loved, valued and respected. If you feel threatened; physically, emotionally, mentally or psychologically: seek a safehouse. Find some shelter with someone your abuser doesn't know and seek refuge.Center for Women and Children in Crisis: <a href="http://www.cwcic.org/">http://www.cwcic.org/</a> , Safehouse; <a href="http://www.womensdvshelter.org/">http://www.womensdvshelter.org/</a><br />
Call the Utah information LINKLine: 1800897link (5465)<br />
<br />
<br />
<h1 class="entry-title" style="background-color: white; clear: both; color: #8dacb3; font-family: 'gill sans', sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 28px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
Domestic Violence Shelters In Utah (<a href="http://www.mothersfightingforothers.com/domestic-violence-shelters-in-utah/" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.mothersfightingforothers.com/domestic-violence-shelters-in-utah/</a>)</h1>
<div class="meta-below-title entry-meta clearfix clearfix-title" style="background-color: white; clear: both; color: #888888; font-family: 'gill sans', sans-serif; font-size: 10px; line-height: 28px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 3px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="left" style="float: left; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; width: 416px;">
Written on <span class="entry-date published">March 25, 2007</span> by <a class="author-link fn nickname url" href="http://www.mothersfightingforothers.com/author/headmutha/" rel="author" style="color: #888888; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial;" title="View all posts by HeadMutha">HeadMutha</a> in <a href="http://www.mothersfightingforothers.com/category/blog/" rel="category tag" style="color: #888888; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial;" title="View all posts in Blog">Blog</a>, <a href="http://www.mothersfightingforothers.com/category/domestic-violence/" rel="category tag" style="color: #888888; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial;" title="View all posts in Domestic Violence">Domestic Violence</a></div>
</div>
<div class="entry-content" style="background-color: white; clear: both; color: #292929; font-family: 'gill sans', sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<strong>Utah Domestic Violence Shelters:</strong></div>
<ul style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 35px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
</div>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Utah Domestic Violence Advisory Council Salt Lake City UT 84103 801-538-4100</li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Blanding Safehouse Office of Social Services Blanding UT 84511 Business #: 801-678-3211</li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">YWCA Brigham City UT 84302 Business #: 801-734-2233</li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Color Country Cottage Women’s Crisis Center Cedar City UT 84720 Business #: 801-865-7443 <span style="color: #b80000;"><strong>Hotline/Crisis:</strong></span> 801-586-3842 Toll Free: (800)953-3842</li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br /></li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Community Abuse Prevention Services Agency Logan, UT 84323 Business #: 435-753-2500 <span style="color: #b80000;"><strong>Hotline/Crisis:</strong></span> 435-753-2500</li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Seekhaven Moab UT 84532 Business #: 801-259-2229</li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">YCC of Northern Utah UT 84001 Business #: 801-392-7273</li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Domestic Peace Task Force P.O. Box 682141 Park City UT 84068</li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Coleen Quigley Women’s Center Price UT 84501 Business #: 801-637-6850</li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">The Center for Women & Children in CrisisProvo UT 84063 Business #: 801-374-9351</li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="color: #b80000;"><strong>Hotline/Crisis:</strong></span> 801-377-5500</li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">New Horizon Crisis Center Richfield UT 84701 Toll Free: (800)343-6302</li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Women In Jeopardy Program YWCA Salt Lake City UT 84111 Business #: 801-355-2804 <span style="color: #b80000;"><strong>Hotline/Crisis:</strong></span> 801-355-2804</li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br /></li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Office of Social Services St. George UT 84770 Business #: 801-673-9691</li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Tooele Safehouse Office of Social Services Tooele UT 84074 Business #: 801-833-7300</li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Women’s Crisis Center Uintah Basin Counseling: Vernal UT 84078 Business #: 801-781-0743</li>
<li style="list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Project Sanctuary West Jordan UT 84088 Business #: 801-255-5501</li>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
</div>
</ul>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<b><br /></b><br />
<br />
If you or a loved one is a victim of domestic violence in the state of Utah, please contact the above numbers.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
Peace and Safety my Friends</div>
</div>
<br />
<br />
This is the Cycle of Abuse from <a href="http://www.domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/">http://www.domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/</a>;<br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 0em; text-align: left;">
<strong><span style="font-size: 13px;">Incident</span></strong></div>
<blockquote style="background-color: white; color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 15px; text-align: left;">
<ul style="list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 2em; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<li>Any type of abuse occurs (physical/sexual/emotional)</li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 0em; text-align: left;">
<strong><span style="font-size: 13px;">Tension Building</span></strong></div>
<blockquote style="background-color: white; color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 15px; text-align: left;">
<ul style="list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 2em; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<li>Abuser starts to get angry</li>
<li>Abuse may begin</li>
<li>There is a breakdown of communication</li>
<li>Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm</li>
<li>Tension becomes too much</li>
<li>Victim feels like they are 'walking on egg shells'</li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 0em; text-align: left;">
<strong><span style="font-size: 13px;">Making-Up</span></strong></div>
<blockquote style="background-color: white; color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 15px; text-align: left;">
<ul style="list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 2em; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<li>Abuser may apologize for abuse</li>
<li>Abuser may promise it will never happen again</li>
<li>Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse</li>
<li>Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims</li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 0em; text-align: left;">
<strong><span style="font-size: 13px;">Calm</span></strong></div>
<blockquote style="background-color: white; color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 15px; text-align: left;">
<ul style="list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 2em; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<li>Abuser acts like the abuse never happened</li>
<li>Physical abuse may not be taking place</li>
<li>Promises made during 'making-up' may be met</li>
<li>Victim may hope that the abuse is over</li>
<li>Abuser may give gifts to victim</li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 15px; text-align: center;">
<span class="full-image-float-none" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 9px;"><img alt="arrow_bottom.jpg" src="http://www.domesticviolence.org/storage/arrow_bottom.jpg" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 0em; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 0em; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 11px;">The cycle can happen hundreds of times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time in a relationship. The total cycle can take anywhere from a few hours to a year or more to complete. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11px;">It is important to remember that not all domestic violence relationships fit the cycle. Often, as time goes on, the 'making-up' and 'calm' stages disappear. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 0em; text-align: left;">
</div>
<h2 class="h2" style="color: #007fc4; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-weight: 100; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; visibility: visible;">
What is Dating Violence?(From <a href="http://www.breakthecycle.org/dating-violence-101" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 15px;">http://www.breakthecycle.org/dating-violence-101</a>)</h2>
<div class="p" style="color: #494949; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
Dating violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used to exert power and control over a dating partner.</div>
<h3 class="h3" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
A Pattern of Behavior</h3>
<div class="p" style="color: #494949; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
Calling dating violence a pattern doesn't mean the first instance of abuse is not dating violence. It just recognizes that dating violence usually involves a series of abusive behaviors over a course of time. Here is a model of how it works:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #494949; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; text-align: left;"><tbody style="border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px;">
<tr><td><div class="p" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<img height="1" src="http://www.breakthecycle.org/sites/default/files/spacer.gif" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-width: initial;" width="1" /></div>
</td><td><h4 class="h4" style="color: #007fc4; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 3px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
Tension Building</h4>
<div class="p" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
Things start to get tense between a teen and their dating partner.</div>
</td><td><div class="p" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<img height="1" src="http://www.breakthecycle.org/sites/default/files/spacer.gif" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-width: initial;" width="90" /></div>
</td></tr>
<tr><td valign="center"><h4 class="h4" style="color: #007fc4; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 3px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
Honeymoon</h4>
<div class="p" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
The abuser apologizes, trying to make up with his or her partners and to shift the blame for the explosion to someone or something else.</div>
</td><td align="center"><div class="pcenter" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<img alt="Cycle of Violence" src="http://www.breakthecycle.org/sites/default/files/cycle-small.gif" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-width: initial;" title="Cycle of Violence" /></div>
</td><td valign="center" width="175"><h4 class="h4" style="color: #007fc4; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 3px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
Explosion</h4>
<div class="p" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
There is an outburst of violence that can include intense emotional, verbal, sexual and/or physical abuse.</div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="p" style="color: #494949; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
Every relationships is different, but the one thing that is common to most abusive dating relationships is that the violence escalates over time and becomes more and more dangerous for the young victim.</div>
<h3 class="h3" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
Power and Control</h3>
<div class="p" style="color: #494949; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
The definition also points out that at the core of dating violence are issues of <strong>power and control</strong>. The diagram below from <a href="http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/power-and-control-wheel" style="color: #027ac6; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">loveisrespect.org</a> details how violent words and actions are tools an abusive partner uses to gain and maintain power and control over his or her partner.</div>
<div style="color: #494949; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: 11px;"><i><br /></i></span><br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 0em; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 11px;"><i> From (</i></span><a href="http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm</a>)</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 0em; text-align: left;">
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="table" style="border-right-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 1em; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0em; margin-right: 0em; margin-top: 0.1em; width: 669px;"><thead>
<tr><td colspan="2" style="background-color: #3c5cae; border-bottom-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 17px; font-weight: bold; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 20px; padding-bottom: 3px; padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;" valign="top" width="686">SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP</td></tr>
</thead><tbody>
<tr><td class="subhead" style="background-color: #bec6e5; border-bottom-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; color: #3c5cae; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: normal; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 4px; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;" valign="top" width="343">Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings</td><td class="subhead" style="background-color: #bec6e5; border-bottom-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; color: #3c5cae; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: normal; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 4px; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;" valign="top" width="343">Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior</td></tr>
<tr><td style="border-bottom-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.9em; line-height: 1.3em; padding-bottom: 3px; padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 3px; text-align: left; vertical-align: top;" valign="top"><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-top: 2px;">
<strong>Do you:</strong></div>
<ul style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.5em; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1.7em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">feel afraid of your partner much of the time?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">feel emotionally numb or helpless? </li>
</ul>
</td><td style="border-bottom-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.9em; line-height: 1.3em; padding-bottom: 3px; padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 3px; text-align: left; vertical-align: top;" valign="top" width="343"><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-top: 2px;">
<strong>Does your partner:</strong></div>
<ul style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.5em; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1.7em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">humiliate or yell at you?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">criticize you and put you down?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">blame you for their own abusive behavior?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?</li>
</ul>
</td></tr>
<tr><td class="subhead" style="background-color: #bec6e5; border-bottom-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; color: #3c5cae; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: normal; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 4px; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;" valign="top" width="343">Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats</td><td class="subhead" style="background-color: #bec6e5; border-bottom-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; color: #3c5cae; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: normal; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 4px; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;" valign="top" width="343">Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior</td></tr>
<tr><td style="border-bottom-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.9em; line-height: 1.3em; padding-bottom: 3px; padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 3px; text-align: left; vertical-align: top;" valign="top"><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-top: 2px;">
<strong>Does your partner:</strong></div>
<ul style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.5em; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1.7em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">have a bad and unpredictable temper?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you? </li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">threaten to take your children away or harm them?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">threaten to commit suicide if you leave?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">force you to have sex?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">destroy your belongings?</li>
</ul>
</td><td style="border-bottom-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-color: rgb(222, 227, 247); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.9em; line-height: 1.3em; padding-bottom: 3px; padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 3px; text-align: left; vertical-align: top;" valign="top" width="343"><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-top: 2px;">
<strong>Does your partner:</strong></div>
<ul style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.5em; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1.7em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">act excessively jealous and possessive?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">control where you go or what you do?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">keep you from seeing your friends or family?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?</li>
<li style="font-family: verdana; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">constantly check up on you?</li>
</ul>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
From <a href="http://www.drirene.com/cyclesof.htm">http://www.drirene.com/cyclesof.htm</a><br />
<br />
<table bgcolor="#FFFFFF" border="1" bordercolordark="#FEBF01" bordercolorlight="#FEBF01" cellpadding="15" cellspacing="0"><tbody>
<tr><td width="90%"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="color: #0055aa;"><em><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small;">Victim Beware:</span></em> <span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: x-small;">You are on an emotional roller coaster ride that will wear you down and deplete your self-esteem!</span></span><br />
<em><span style="color: teal; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small;">The Tension-Building Stage:</span></em> <span style="color: teal; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: x-small;">The angry person becomes increasingly controlling during this period, which may take days, weeks, or even years to evolve and progress. Limits are imposed on the partner. For example, the abuser may decide what clothes look "right" on the partner, or what image is portrayed. They may try to define whom the partner may or may not speak with and about what, etc. The control is insidious and progressive. As tension and control increase, the partner attempts to accommodate the abuser in order to keep peace, to please the abuser, or for some similar reason. Despite actions the partner takes, the abuser becomes increasingly remote, contemptuous, critical, preoccupied, or otherwise on edge. The tension and control increase until culminating in the abuse stage.</span><br />
<em><span style="color: teal; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small;">The Abuse Stage:</span></em> <span style="color: teal; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: x-small;">A major verbal, emotional or physically abusive incident occurs that was instigated by the abuser. A trivial event is often used to trigger the main event. The abuser actively looks for excuses to blow up over, and may set their partner up in a no-win situation. One angry man found reason to verbally abuse his girlfriend and destroy her property because he did not like the size of the pot she was boiling eggs in. Needless to say, the pot had nothing to do with anything. This opportunist had simply received a nod from a former lover, decided to change girlfriends, and wanted an out. The victim is often left feeling hurt - and confused.</span><br />
<em><span style="color: teal; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small;">The Remorse Stage:</span></em> <span style="color: teal; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: x-small;">Once the blows are delivered, the abuser is calmed. Having blown off steam and regaining composure, the abusive person is full of apologies and promises never to do "it" again - if the partner distances. The more distanced the victim, the more intensely the abuser pursues...and pursues...and pursues. The abuser can be so charming and complimentary, the codependent victim's heart breaks. There is a compelling need to believe their abuser's promises and pleas and take them back. The more codependent and insecure the partner, the more vulnerable they are to the partner's attentive remorse. Abusers during this phase are wonderful! A "normal" person is unlikely to be so compelling and persistent in winning over their partner's love - because they have no reason to be.</span><br />
<span style="color: teal; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: x-small;">As the relationship progresses, the abuse cycle typically escalates in intensity and in the temporal contiguity of its negative aspects. The abuse lasts longer and becomes more pronounced, while the loving remorse dwindles.</span><br />
<span style="color: teal; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: x-small;">The abuser loves a good challenge. The goal is to win the victim back, at any price. At a distance, the partner is perceived as emotionally "safe." The harder the abuser has to work to win back his or her victim, the more the victim is appreciated. Once the relationship resumes, the abuser's mistrust prompts their poor recall of any tender feelings. Their fear inevitably powers the resumption of the abuse cycle. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="color: teal; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small;">Doc's Advice:</span><span style="color: teal; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: x-small;"> Trust ACTIONS, not words.</span></span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="background-color: white;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">You and your children have rights! Be safe, make an escape plan!!!!!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">Hugs! Chelsea</span>Chelsea Merkleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14999288594106215077noreply@blogger.com0